


I Learn to Live Half-Alive

by poeticaid



Series: Long Road to Success [3]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Amami you're getting worse, Angst, Character Study, F/F, F/M, Forced Marriage, Homelessness, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of incest, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamory Negotiations, Post-Canon, Post-Simulation, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recreational Drug Use (minor), Self-Harm, Smoking, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Male Character, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-05-05 05:30:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14610459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poeticaid/pseuds/poeticaid
Summary: "You're Rantaro Amami, right?", a soft voice in front of him asks. He nods and looks up, seeing a face he never seen in real life ever: Kyoko Kirigiri."K-Kirigiri?", he says in disbelief. Why is a fictional character standing in front of him? Is he going mental?"I see you don't believe me being alive", Kyoko says, sitting down next to Rantaro, who scoots away, with confusion in his eyes. "Don't worry. Eleven years ago, along with the Super Danganronpa Two cast, we were also in the virtual world."Everyone emerging from the simulation, all changed. And they hate it.





	1. the former ultimate adventurer celebrates the day he dies.

**Author's Note:**

> A sequel of Long Road to Success.  
> hey look at me taking it all seriously

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amami is happy that he dies the first in the game.

Rantaro remembered the time he was in love with Danganronpa. But that was a long time ago, before he goes in that virtual world. He hates it in there. Despair crawling on his back, and hoping it'd end soon. And it honestly did, after Chapter 6 of the fifty-second game. No, that wasn't the end. Since the Danganronpa fans 'loved' him so much, Team Danganronpa decided to bring him back to the virtual world. To bring him back to the place he hates so much.

Tsumugi Shirogane.

He knows she's the mastermind of v3, but of course, his avatar from the virtual world didn't know that, and ended up getting killed. And he enjoyed it.

Rantaro can't wait to just go back to the world where he was friends with Angie, Maki, Himiko, Shuichi, and, of course, Kokichi. Rantaro knows Kokichi loves him, and the feeling is mutual. Even confessed his love to him before the boy gets into the audition. He just wished he spent more time with the boy before they go inside the virtual world. But seeing each other was prohibited.

Rantaro is escorted out of the simulation room. The hallways, corridors, and doors were all familiar to him, because he's already been in here before. A Chapter One victim, huh? Very ironic, since in this season, he's the Ultimate Survivor, replacing his old Ultimate Adventurer talent. He can't help a smile creep up his face because he is already free from the hands of Danganronpa. He must be assuming all his fans are in an uproar because he was killed of so early in the game. But, you can't satisfy audiences with anything.

Before he goes home, he has to rest for some time in the Waiting Area. His father never cares about him, and only cares about his reputation. He sighs, knowing it can't be helped if his father has no interest in him. And Rantaro has no interest in keeping the Amami Family's name. Just give it to one of his sisters or something.

"You're Rantaro Amami, right?", a soft voice in front of him asks. He nods and looks up, seeing a face he never seen in real life ever: Kyoko Kirigiri.

"K-Kirigiri?", he says in disbelief. Why is a fictional character standing in front of him? Is he going mental?

"I see you don't believe me being alive", Kyoko says, sitting down next to Rantaro, who scoots away, with confusion in his eyes. "Don't worry. Eleven years ago, along with the Super Danganronpa Two cast, we were also in the virtual world."

"So... does that mean...?"

"Every Danganronpa show is from the virtual world." Kyoko sighs. "And we still carry the burden of being in those games."

"Um, not to be nosy, why are you here?", Rantaro asks.

Kyoko looks at a black television screen with sad eyes. "My daughter... is participating in that show."

Rantaro blinks. "May I ask... who is it?"

"Kaede", Kyoko replies, looking at her gloved hands.

Rantaro tilts his head. Kyoko, the first Ultimate Detective in the very first show of Danganronpa, is the mother of Kaede? This doesn't make any sense at all. First, he meets a character that is not fictional, and now, they're related to someone he hates? He has to get a grip of himself.

"May I ask who her father is?", Rantaro asks.

"Oh, I just adopted Kaede and her twin, along with Celeste."

And... she's married to Celeste. Rantaro sighs, and slouches on the chair he's sitting in.

"Who killed you?", Kyoko asks bluntly.

"The mastermind", Rantaro replies, feeling a little uncomfortable on talking about how his avatar died.

"Oh, then the mystery will be solved", Kyoko says.

Rantaro shakes his head. "No, knowing Tsumugi... she can frame someone anytime. But don't worry, the trials won't start until the next day."

Kyoko looks at him with something called... worry. "You've been in there... for two days."

Wait. Rantaro looks at his hands. They look to be a sickly pale color. And it looks skinny too.

"But... doesn't Team Danganronpa give them breaks?"

Kyoko shakes her head. "Sadly, not anymore. The fans wanted none stop Danganronpa v3."

That's... messed up. The reason why Team Danganronpa provided breaks is to (somehow) regain their sanity and make themselves comfortable with how they're living now. After all, they will gain their many riches in life. But remembering the traumatizing events in the simulation, and bringing it to the real world was making him mentally unstable, to the point of trying to kill someone before it was time to go back to the world of madness.

Without those breaks, each and every single one of those people in the simulation will be mentally unstable, to the point of attacking people in variety of ways. It made Rantaro mad because Team Danganronpa are filling their fans in for what they wanted, rather than what the participants want. He grits his teeth, controlling the anger inside him.

"Will Kaede be okay?", Kyoko says to herself.

Rantaro hates Kaede for being a bitch in the real world. Blackmailing people is her best hobby. Maybe she's the one who convinced Kokichi to go audition for Danganronpa. But in the actual show, she's a very positive, kind and caring students. He can feel his feelings mixing because of Kaede in that simulation.

"I think so..."

"If she comes back, I'll give her a scolding", Kyoko says. "But, you don't need to know that."

Rantaro nods. "Hey, don't you and Kaede have different surnames though?"

Instead of telling him to mind his own business, the purple woman just shrugs. "I told her she can pick any name... Anyway, as much as I like to tell you more, but I need to go to work. There is no point in watching their investigation if the television screen is black."

With only one wave of her hand, she dismisses their conversations. Her virtual self and real self are almost the same, except this Kyoko is a bit more open into sharing her experience while the virtual Kyoko doesn't. Maybe that's why he likes Kyoko when he watched Danganronpa for the first time. That hint of hype in the many shows of it made Rantaro love Danganronpa. But his favorite Danganronpa show was Super Danganronpa 2.

Well, it used to be, now he just can't seem to like Danganronpa anymore. It's really weird how people are changed so easily after discovering the dark side of everything you love. Like, becoming infatuated with this one person, but when they reveal their true colors, your affection for them lowers, until you have nothing to feel anymore. That's what Rantaro feels.

"You're giving up that easily?", a voice in his mind says. He looks around. The Waiting Area was empty. Maybe he's just hearing things. And he is.

"Hey, at least you'd still get the money", the voice speaks again.

Rantaro just lowers his head, ignoring his inner subconscious speaking inside of him. There's no way of refuting some imaginary voice inside his head. Until Team Danganronpa gives him therapy. But their only therapy is Tsumugi, and, as Rantaro recalled his therapy lessons with her, they were all pieces of shit, with her acting like nothing happened. The real therapist who pursued him was Keebo. Yet, he's also participating in Danganronpa, because he wants to be with his sister or some bullshit like that.

* * *

Apparently, they still haven't called his family, which was nice. He doesn't want to get back home yet. Hey, at least he has tons of cash he'll give to his family once he gets back. He doesn't really know what time it is, but he knows his been sitting in the Waiting Area for hours, until one of the Team Danganronpa staff comes in.

"Mr. Amami", she says politely. "It's time for your dinner."

Rantaro nods, and stands up, his legs shaking a little since he hadn't used it other than doing movements. It's nighttime already. Does this mean the trial is over? If so, who did Tsumugi frame?

"Excuse me, but is the first class trial done?", he asks the Danganronpa staff. She nods.

"Yes, but she needs some rest after her execution", she replies as they walk to the dining hall.

She. It must be a girl whom Tsumugi framed, then. But he wonders who it could be until he and the staff finally reaches the dining hall.

Rantaro realized he hadn't eaten for two days, so his stomach rumbles at the sight of the food on the table. He sits across from the Danganronpa staff, taking as much food as he wants, eyes shining and mouth drooling. When was the last time he ate real food than canned goods at the dark rooms of the building? Oh yeah, Tsumugi's mansion. He can't afford to think of his bad memories now when he starts to eat. He doesn't want to spoil his appetite.

Eating away his problems is basically what he did after the many trials of Danganronpa 52. And he's so damn skinny... he just needs food. That's it.

After getting his stomach full, he returns to the waiting room, to sit again on a seat at the Waiting Area. And no one was around. He sighs. He needs someone to talk to. He scratches the back of his head. He then suddenly remembers his death. He dodges that memory. He doesn't want to think about his death when he's this full.

It all started with the contract. He unwittingly signed it, because he was desperate for fame and attention. He wants to become a champion, someone who will win, someone who will be everyone's fan favorite. He did all this so he can be famous, not thinking of consequences, looking back now, he wouldn't have gone mental if he hadn't signed that contract.

"R-Rantaro?", a sad, yet familiar voice snaps him back to reality. He looks up, to see...

"Kaede?", he says. She looks like she's been crying, but there are still tears streaming down her face.

"I-I thought I was alone here, and y-you left", she says, hesitating to sit down next to him.

"Nah, my parents didn't know I fucking died and some shit."

He pats a chair next to him. "Sit. We have a lot to talk about."

Hesitantly, she sits down next to him. No one says anything for about ten minutes.

"Look, let's cut to the chase, okay?", Rantaro says, seemingly comforting the girl beside him. "You're the one Tsumugi framed to be my killer?"

Kaede looks up to meet Rantaro's eyes. "Yeah... wait, you mean the girl from 52?"

Rantaro nods. "Yes, her. She killed me."

Kaede facepalms. "And I thought I killed you..."

"Meh, your ball missed me."

Kaede's eyes widen. "It missed you? What the fuck?"

"Yeah, thanks to you, I got distracted by it, so Tsumugi can hit me with her own shot put ball."

"O-okay, so it's my fault you got killed?"

Rantaro shrugs. "Eh, kinda. By the way, your mom was here."

Kaede fidgets with her hands. "What? Did you know what she said?"

"Yeah, she missed you. Also, she said that she'll give you a scolding later."

"Well, Kyoko tends to do that. Goddamn, my neck is itchy." She starts to scratch it, then Rantaro catches a glimpse of her neck. It has red scratch marks on it, some obviously a little too deep.

"Death by strangulation?", he says out loud.

Kaede looks back at him, then attempts to hide her scars. She looks down again. "Actually, death by hanging..."

Rantaro fakes a cough. "O-Oh, I see..."

So, Kaede got executed by hanging. Well, this is off to a pretty brutal start, but he hopes the others don't actually get executed like Kaede. But, this is Danganronpa. They'll always get brutally executed, no matter how much you do or don't deserve it. He looks at Kaede, who's scratching her neck again. He wants to tell her to stop, but... she seems to be entranced by scratching her neck. So he minds his own business.

"Ms. Akamatsu, there you are!", a Team Danganronpa staff calls from the front of the Waiting Area. Ms. Kirigiri and Ms. Ludenberg are here to pick you up."

"They're here already...?", Kaede says. The staff nods.

"They were actually watching your... um, your chapter."

Kaede nods. "Tell them I need a minute." The staff nods, and exits the Waiting Area.

"I have to ask you something. You're close friends with Shuichi, right?"

Kaede looks at him with sadness in her eyes. "Y-yeah..."

"How do you feel about him now?"

"I have mixed feelings. Some part of me still thinks he's some kind of pawn, but the other part of me thinks of him as a friend."

Rantaro smiles. It's kinda nice that Danganronpa is giving them a change of heart for how they feel. It's one of those things Danganronpa does to make them confused with feelings. And he absolutely hates feelings. Why does he have to have these conflicting feelings that handle him, that makes him decide what kind of feeling he's supposed to show to anyone.

"Hey, are you gonna be okay being alone here?", Kaede asks him, still scratching her neck.

"I'm always alone", Rantaro replies, and watches her go. It seems like their conversation started a century ago. And he wanted it back. Why isn't his father picking him up yet?

"Excuse me, Mr. Amami?", the Team Danganronpa staff comes back, bearing some kinds of pills and a key. "Since your father is not yet here, you can stay in one of our rooms."

Rantaro yawns. "Okay, lead the way, then."

They walk through twist and turns, his head aching a bit, remembering the Ultimate Academy. Once they reach the room he's going to stay in the night, the staff gives him the key and bows, waiting for him to go inside.

The room is decent, at least for him. Yet it gives off being stuck in the Ultimate Academy. He shudders at the thought, and tries to push it back into his mind. But his dorm in the simulation keeps getting in the way of his train of thoughts. He inhales, then exhales, and goes in the room, closing the door.

He looks at the bed. It's very well-made, and it still reminds him of the school. He needs a good night's sleep. Yeah, just one good sleep, and everything will go away. All of his bad thoughts, his memories of the Danganronpa v3, will all vanish once he goes to sleep.

As his head hits the pillow, he goes to his dreams. But this dreams are not normal dreams. He opens his eyes, to find himself floating on dark water. It must be water, after all, it sounds like one. But... is that a fin, coming to get him?

Rantaro's eyes widen. He paddles as fast as he can, but he can only see darkness. Darkness surrounding everything. He's so confused, he keeps on paddling. But he hears the roaring of a waterfall. And he falls. He falls and falls, falling to darker waters. He looks up, to see nothing but darkness. But he feels like he's floating. Suddenly, he can't breathe. Were is he?

His limbs feel like wood, and he feels strings lifting him, higher, higher. He feels pain, he feels the strings burning his wooden limbs. Then he finally sees the person lifting him up. And it was him, before everything started, before he knew what Danganronpa truly is, before he stopped believing Danganronpa. The other Rantaro smirks.

"You're useless." Then he feels his limbs going slack, the strings around him falling. He looks up to see himself, smiling and laughing as he falls. This was who he is before everything, after all. Of course he's that cruel, a side he never tells anyone.

Rantaro wakes up, cold sweat on his forehead. He looks around. Just ordinary darkness. He's in a blanket. Nothing scary here. He lowers his head. And he thought he can escape his thoughts by going into his dreams. But no, that'll never happen, in his case. He'll always be followed by his bad deeds, his thoughts, everything. He'll never escape them. He'll live with it forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk i love my avocado baby


	2. the former pianist knows everything.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaede wakes up and feels as if she has the right to guess everything that has happened to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally! i felt like doing chapters for the characters i hate is going to be difficult so

She feels the chain on her neck, painfully making her move across the area, to the piano keys, as she tries to get it off to no avail. Her breathing becomes hitched, her wind pipe not letting her breathe the outside air. She's being hanged; she knows this. She ignores her classmate's cries of plea, including Shuichi's. After all, she's just a girl who killed their closest friends. She feels bad for everyone who's watching this. Then she can only see darkness, knowing the end is near.

Kaede wakes up from the simulation, face wet with both sweat and tears. She feels as if the world around her is revolving, spinning like a top. Her head hurts, but she feels as if her neck is itchy. That's it? She was just a Chapter One killer who killed the greatest participant in all of Danganronpa? Not to mention that her execution is hardcore brutal. It isn't as mediocre as the others in the whole franchise. It's over the top, extremely brutal.

Being hanged was her punishment? While she waits for the pod to open, she feels the sudden urge to scratch her neck. With the limited space, she can't really reach her arm all the way to her neck, but, desperate to scratch it, she squeezes her arm, and starts to scratch. Her finger nails are very long, so when she starts to scratch it harder and harder, she feels pain in her neck. But she doesn't care. She wants the itch to be rid of.

When Kaede finally (thinks) that the itch is gone, the hatch opens up, and she sees the face of a Team Danganronpa staff. She suddenly feels anger surging inside her, but decides to let them help her get out of her respective pod. Kaede, before leaving the room, she looks back at the others' pods. There were fourteen now, and she glances at the empty pod at the corner of the room. Rantaro's. Kaede knows that she has to confront Rantaro, but why would she apologize to him just because she killed him in the simulation.

"We will contact your parents two hours before night time", the staff says. Night time. That brings back those memories where she's stuck in that simulation, not too long ago.

Otherwise, she's still pissed and bitter that she didn't live long enough to see others die right in front of her. She craves to see corpses in front of her, executions. She doesn't really care about friendship and all that shit, but the virtual her, values this kind of thing? Kaede never really liked her 'friends' in the real world, she just see them as pawns. Even Momota.

Momota maybe a caring person, well, in her eyes, but she never liked him. She just wanted someone who would relate to her in so many ways. It's surprising they wrote both she and Momota as the caring people of the class, along with Tojo. Kaede sighs, and feels the itch on her neck again. She starts to scratch it, and stops on her tracks. She sees a room right next to her and goes inside, continuing to scratch her neck.

"Fucking itchy", she says to herself as she sits on the bed, not going to bother the blood trickling at the back of her neck. She just wants the itch gone.

Kaede hears her fingers, scratching and scratching, breaking the skin of her neck. But she doesn't care. The damn itch is still bothering her. After a few minutes, she now thinks the itch is gone. She looks at the bed she's sitting on, and lies down. After her scratching session, she can feel her neck boiling hot, but she pays no mind to the injuries she had caused to her neck. All she wants now is sleep. Peaceful sleep.

* * *

Kaede can hear herself screaming. The itch is coming back. But she can also hear someone's voice, calling out to her, telling her to stop. Was she dreaming? Was she scared of falling to her death? Why is her breathing so hitched? The image comes back to her mind. The piano, the rope and chain, dragging her to each piano tile as she struggles to breath. Kaede finally wakes up from her nightmare to see a Team Danganronpa staff.

"What's wrong?", she asks. Kaede scoffs.

"Nothing", Kaede answers curtly. "Leave me alone."

"Before I leave, I must give you your dinner", she says, holding a small tray.

"Yeah, thanks." Kaede takes the tray from the staff's hands, and the staff leaves Kaede's room.

The food was exquisite. She feels as if she hadn't eaten anything from the past two days. She feels herself getting full, but she doesn't mind. When she finishes her dinner, she puts it on the coffee table in the middle of the room. She sighs, knowing she should relax after eating that much. She can feel herself, wanting to sleep. But she opens her eyes, wider this time. Every time she closes her eyes, she would dream about her execution, her virtual self, her... so-called friends. Especially Saihara.

"What the hell is wrong with me?", she mutters to herself, getting up. She finally sees the room in its full view. Kaede gulps. It looks just like her dorm room back at the simulation.

Kaede starts to get sick, just by reminding herself that the room looks like the dorms. Why is she... getting sick? Didn't she love Danganronpa? She must be thinking about the times she was there. She loved death, she welcomed death, she hated living in a world where filthy assholes step. But, why is she feeling sick to her stomach as she reminds herself of Danganronpa? A while ago, she felt pissed because she was the one executed first. But why is she changing her mind all of a sudden, just because she got executed and still remembers her death in the simulation?

Then suddenly, she wants to vomit up her food so bad. She covers her mouth, attempting to hold her bile in, but it's no use. As soon as she kept thinking about violence, it becomes worse. Her heads start to get dizzy, so she runs out of the room in a panic. She runs through the hallways, corridors, until she finally finds a restroom. She quickly opens the door and goes to the first bathroom stall, opening her mouth to let her half-digested food become toilet waste.

Kaede, after that mishap, flushes the toilet, and leaves the stall, facing herself on the mirror's sink. She looks absolutely different from the last time she sees herself. Below her eyes were eye shadows, maybe from lack of sleep, and she looks skinnier as well. She really does look like she hadn't eaten in two days. Maybe that was her first meal in two days. She sighs, yet again, and shrugs the burden off of her shoulders.

Kaede exits the rest room, only to find out it was for men. She shrugs, then goes on her depressing way, not bothering to look for the room she had slept in. She sees a signage that says Waiting Area. The Area is quiet, with a lot of chained chairs, but then, she sees a familiar face she hadn't seen after she killed the guy.

"R-Rantaro?", Kaede asks, and Rantaro looks up, surprised that he had company.

Her talk with Rantaro is dreadfully awkward, with him being her victim and all. But then, Rantaro says that Kaede did not kill him, and it was Shirogane who did everything. Kaede remembers him from 52, but she paid no mind to the blue-haired girl. Shirogane is a plain girl, both in 52 and v3. Her being the mastermind is likely predictable, for some Danganronpa analysts out there. Kaede wonders how she would execute her own plan in the killing game.

Now, Rantaro brings up Saihara, Kaede's victim in the world. He still has his gloomy, awkward, shy nature in the killing game, but she didn't mock him for it. She actually encouraged him into revealing the so-called truth in the first class trial. But, in the real world, she mistreated him for being different, along with the others.

Mixed feelings her ass. She's having a conflict on morality after this. Does she like picking on Saihara? Does she regret acting like that towards others? Does she hate Danganronpa? Is she still obsessed with it? Is she really friends with everyone there? Or should she just think of them as pawns? Her mind gears are turning with confusion.

Before she finishes he conversation with Amami, however, a staff tells her that her parents are already here. She wraps up her conversation with the boy, actually concerned if he's going to be alright, alone. Amami dismisses her, and she follows the staff to the parking lot, where her parents are waiting for her. She gulps.

Her mother, Kirigiri Kyoko, is in the car, tapping her fingers to a song in the radio. Her other mother, Celestia Ludenberg, is leaning on the car, taking a smoke. Kaede squints to see her sister on the backseat of the car, reading. She feels her heart beat. Of course she's nervous. She hadn't told her mothers that she had participated in a show they never wanted her to participate. Kaguya, well, she wants to catch up with the girl.

Celestia finally glances at her, and throws the cigarette stick to the ground, stomping on the still lit stick. She walks up to Kaede, graceful as ever, and cups her chin.

"You are here", she says in a European accent. Kaede feels her nails around her delicate cheeks, but Celestia lets go and hugs her tightly. "How we missed you."

Kaede didn't respond. She's at a last for words. After all, she's going to have to confront her parents after the whole ordeal. She's going to be with her family again. She had moved out of their house after she turned seventeen to go live at Tojo's house. But without the girl, she has to confront her parents once again.

"Come, we need to go back home", Kyoko says through the window, and Celestia and Kaede walk into the car.

Kaede sits beside Kaguya, who is busy reading. She taps her shoulder, and Kaguya looks up. Kaede smiles and waves at her, but Kaguya simply goes back to reading her book.

"We'll have the talk tomorrow", Kyoko says from the driver's seat. "It seems like you need to rest after... what they did to you."

Kaede nods, agreeing with her mother. She had always defied their orders, always hated them for not letting her do what she pleases. But now, she feels as if she owes both of them an apology for being a burden to her ever since childhood. One of her many regrets was not getting close to her mothers. Maybe this time, she'll spend time with them. Maybe they can all forgive and forget what has happened in the past.

"Your neck", Celeste says. "What has happened to it?"

Kaede touches her neck and looks outside the car window. Though there's only dim streetlights, he can tell there were scratch marks and red blemishes on her neck.

"I... did this to myself." It isn't the lie, she just wnated to get rid of the itch. Or maybe, she was imagining about the itch, like she was feeling nothing but her cold hands digging through her skin.

Kyoko sighs. "We'll treat that once we get home."

But, what is home?

* * *

Kaede looks at her old home. It's a really big house, maybe because she haven't seen it for almost an entire year. It looks quite different, without its normal lights and design. Kyoko and Celeste had designed this house, and it was incredible to look at. Now Kaede has to go back to her childhood home, where she lost her innocence.

"I have some ointment products to clean your neck", Kyoko says, approaching her daughter. "Now, steady as I put this on your neck."

"Okay." Kaede isn't complaining. Now she can feel the heat on her neck, the pain she had brought to herself.

She winces as Kyoko rubs her neck and starts to massage her neck. It is relaxing in some sort of way, but at the same time very troubling. After Kyoko puts the ointment on Kaede's neck, she gives Kaede a scarf.

"It doesn't really help you stop scratching, but here." Kaede takes the scarf and puts it around her neck. She's now ashamed of showing wounds, unlike who she is before.

At least she had her prize money getting delivered to her tomorrow. It's her prize money, she can do whatever she want. She wants to do drugs now, to get her mind off of Danganronpa. She had always had this obsession with drugs after she kicks herself out of the house. Then she meets the others who are obsessed with drugs. Drugs is truly ecstasy.

"Can I go to my bedroom?", Kaede asks.

Kyoko nods. "Sure. Just sleep well."

"I will."

But instead of sleeping, she just stands near the balcony, looking at the night sky. She wishes she had a cigarette and a match so she can smoke and shit, but looks like she's under probation. Not allowed to do drugs, or smoke. She's fine with that, she thinks. She hears a knock on her door and she opens it to see Kaguya with a packet of weed and some cigarette sticks. Kaede couldn't help but smile.

"You read my mind", she says.

They hang around the balcony, lighting up their cigarettes and inhaling drugs. Kaede is so fucking high, she can only see a shit ton of bricks as the outside world. She looks at Kaguya, who isn't as high as her, but is smoking.

"Didn't know you were in to this kind of shit", Kaede says.

"Started after you left", Kaguya replies, then looks at Kaede with a grim look. "That trial was..."

"Cool, right?" Kaede knows it isn't fucking cool to see your own sister die in front of you like that, virtual or not.

"Your fucking neck", Kaguya says.

"Yeah, my neck."

"That fucking hurts. I hate that shit show, and even more after you came out scratching your damn neck.

"I'll love that show with all my heart." But she knows her love for Danganronpa is fading away, ever so slightly.

"Well, fuck you too then." Kaguya throws the cigarette into a trash bin and walks out of Kaede's room, closing the door behind her.

Kaede lies on her bed, waiting for Lady Sleep to help her go to the land of dreams. She holds on to the bag of weed, and smokes a cigarette as she closes her eyes.

She fell in love with Danganronpa because of violence. And now, why does she feel sick just mentioning it? She hates having to talk to her mothers tomorrow, and she hates having to see her pawns die at the hands of Team Danganronpa. She was a good person in that simulation, but can she be good in the real world too?

Only time will tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah no still hate her


	3. the former ultimate tennis pro grieves his existence.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He has little knowledge over his past. He simply forgot about it. But what he never forgets was _Danganronpa._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for this being late!  
> i didn't know how to start this, s'all

He can feel the water seeping at his nose, slowly drowning him. With his natural instinct to fight, he tries, and fails, to get out of the sink. He can hear his handcuffs scratching the sink. Why is he fighting? Didn't he just say he had no more reason to live anymore? Is it his natural instincts? Is it because the water is killing him, suffocating him, _drowning_ him? He can feels someone's hands on him, drowning him. Killing him. Just like he once did to the mafia employee he had killed years ago. Was this karma, because of what he did? Why did the killer target them? Because they're weak, small, and already dead inside? Is that why he was here, sulking about why he didn't have someone in his cubs pad? Why _no one_ was in his supposed motive video. He really _doesn't_ belong here.

He starts to fade from this world he says he hates so much. Is he going to heaven? Or to hell? Maybe the latter. He doesn't belong in heaven. He's just a murderer, that's all. He finally closes his eyes, and his struggling for freedom finally dies. He wonders how hell will punish him for his sins. No, this hell is going to make him _suffer_ for his misdeeds in the _real_ life he has.

He wakes up in a dark, empty, tight space, where he can only move in limited moves. His eyes widen to the venue he's in right now. He hates dark spaces. He hates being locked in a small space. But he keeps calm, even though he's noisy, pounding heartbeat says otherwise. This is... the real world, right? His memories are a bit fuzzy, like, he can't remember what happened the past few days. Though he can remember some details, like him never being in prison, for one. Huh. Never being in prison. That's new. He waits for a few minutes, until the hatch to his so called pod opens. A man with a shirt labelled 'Team Danganronpa Staff' reads.

Danganronpa. Ryoma tries to remember the memory to where he had heard such a name before. Then it clicks. Oh yeah. Yeah. Huh. Danganronpa's the world he had emerged in? The one where they kill teenagers, right? It's a show, right? A high rated show, right? Who would want to watch teenagers murder each other? Then he remembers the many times he has watched the show with his friends. Oh yeah. He's a psychopath too, huh? Watching the people try killing their comrades, then get executed themselves? How inappropriate for younger audiences. And... that's all Ryoma remembers, in actuality.

"Hey, what's the deal with me not remembering anything?", Ryoma asks the staff who helps him up.

"Oh, it's probably because of our new policy", the staff replies.

"What's the policy?" Ryoma could barely talk more than a low whisper, and now they're asking him to stand?

"No breaks while filming. The fans want none stop Danganronpa this year."

"I...see?" Fucking morons. He tries to stand, but then remembers his death. His short legs quiver, and he falls back into the pod. The staff notices this.

"Do you want me to carry you, Mr. Hoshi?", he asks in a polite manner, bowing to him.

Ryoma absolutely _hates_ being carried by others. He hates his short stature, he hates how everyone looks down at him. Maybe that's why he had joined Danganronpa? To tell everyone that he's not a harmless fucking midget, but can be called a murderer as well? He shrugs that thought away. He doesn't remember anything, and he doesn't bother. Maybe not remembering might give him a new life and new identity. And, since he can't walk that well, he just nods to the staff to carry him.

"Dinner will be served shortly", the staff announces as he puts him down on a chair. Ryoma looks around. Looks like a dining hall.

"Sure", Ryoma says. To be honest, he's not that hungry after his death, but he feels so skinny.

"That is a good sign that you want to eat", the staff sighs. "Because you have been stuck there for a week and a half."

Ryoma feels himself sicken after what he said. He was in that... whatever you call it for a week and a half? Why? How long is each episode? Why are they making them do this? Why did they not let them eat, sleep, nor drink in real life? The _fans_? The _ratings_? _Money_? It angers him that he's only been eating virtual food. Ryoma sighs, then looks around. This dining hall seems decent enough. Some people start to enter, and catches him by the eye, then talks to each other.

"The writers are truly pulling it off", one says, sitting on a chair.

"I agree", another says.

Ryoma listens in to their conversation.

"I want to see how they solve the mystery", the first says.

"Adachi, it was horrible, how he had died", the second says, looking at Ryoma with malice hidden in his eyes.

"Eaten by piranhas, what a bad way to go...", the guy, Adachi, says.

Eaten, huh? How long was Ryoma stuck in that pod before he pulls to consciousness. He knows he had been drowned in a sink, in his fictional research lab, but when were piranhas ever involved in his murder case. Unless... He smirks. Oh, Tojo, you've done it again. Talking to Tojo, then letting her kill him... she must already have a plan, since she can't have prepared the murder at nighttime. Punishable.

"I _can't_ wait until tomorrow", Adachi says. "Too bad they only do reruns at nighttime. You know, after nine?"

"But the poor teenagers have to way until their demise", the other says. "But anyway, I can't wait 'til tomorrow for the trial!"

Ryoma stays silent during the whole encounter, and more and more people start to flood in the dining hall, all talking about the death. They _do_ acknowledge Ryoma's presence, but being the insensitive piece of shits that they are, they sit near him, letting him hear what they were saying about _his death_. Then he feels someone tap his shoulder. He looks up and sees a familiar face, someone he has known in the killing game and his faded memories.

"Amami", Ryoma says. "Weren't you supposed to be dead like, last week?"

Amami chuckles. "Oh, yeah, yeah, but my fucking parents haven't arrived yet."

Ryoma shrugs. "Shame."

"Shame indeed."

From what he can gather from his old memories, Rantaro Amami, the Ultimate Adventurer, one of the survivors of 52, is a _legend_. He became quite famous when he was just a young child. He doesn't know the details though, but still, he's a legend in Danganronpa. But in Danganronpa 53, he doesn't seem to have that paranoia or fear in 52. All he has was a laidback, mature attitude. Oh, and add being mysterious there.

"Long time no see", Ryoma says.

"I left after a week", Amami replies. He was so careful at not using die in his sentence. "So, how's it holdin'?"

"I don't remember anything, outside from Danganronpa", Ryoma says. "All I fucking remember is my fabricated memories, some shit about Danganronpa, and that's it."

"Lucky you", Amami says, sugarcoating the words.

The cooks are now filing out of the kitchen, giving them all sorts of food. Amami seems to be the first one to dig in, since the others were just talking, not noticing that there was food on the table. Ryoma takes some sushi and rice balls, and starts to eat. He didn't know he was this hungry as he bites to one of the sushi rolls. He looks at Amami's plate. His plate looks like French cuisine, but he doesn't know what kinds of food it is. He notices that Amami takes small bites of his food.

"How's your week in here?", Ryoma asks as he dines.

"Shit", Amami replies casually. "I've been forced to watch the show."

"They're fucking cruel." But, how cruel was he in this life? He was a murderer in Danganronpa, was he cruel in this one too?

"So, how's your first bite of real food?"

Ryoma savors his food's taste, so he doesn't respond until he swallows a portion of his food.

"Delicious."

"Yes, so delicious."

"So, Amami, how did you feel about my death?" Ryoma is curious about how everyone would react to his death.

"Sad", Amami says with a decisive look. "Wasted potential. Infuriating. You know, the works."

"Why do I feel like you're just making an opinion up?"

"I actually don't have an opinion on who dies, to be honest."

"What? Why?"

Amami smiles yet again, but somehow, this was unnerving. "Because, you are all good people, and I shouldn't be biased."

"How... unique." Ryoma finishes his food and sits there, just doing casual talk with Amami.

"I'm making you uncomfortable, aren't I?", Amami sighs, looking and sounding exhausted.

"Huh. Maybe."

"Oh, it's probably because of my mood swings. Whenever I'm not in the mood I go around making people uncomfortable." Amami scratches his head. Ryoma sees scars on his arm, all new. He's cutting himself now? Is that why he wears long sleeved clothes?

"Oh? Have Borderline Personality Disorder?"

Amami shakes her head. "No. The only stuff I think I might have are Depression and PTSD. That's... probably it?"

"You should go talk to a real therapist", Ryoma suggests.

"I have a therapist", Amami says. "and that's me."

"Self therapy?"

"Yeah."

"Isn't that... illegal?"

"If you don't know what mental illnesses are."

"...Fair point."

* * *

Ryoma was sent to a bedroom, since his parents are not here yet. Letting him sleep in the place where he kinda died, are they... giving him more trauma or something? Though his past self did get asked for this, got asked to be in the killing game. But why bother changing him? Did they change who he is so he can be accepted by the viewers? To be sympathized with? Because he _honestly_ can't remember who he was before. Was he an asshole? An obsessive fan of Danganronpa? A delinquent? Or was he always like this? Mature, untrusting, suicidal, depressive? Did he go to prison? Or did he live a normal life. The staff says that his memories about his life will return to him in a week or so. So he's stuck with non-existent memories and a bunch of fuzzy ones. Whenever he tries to remember something breaking his memory barrier, his head aches. So he avoids thinking about memories _at all_.

There was a knock on the door. Ryoma looks at the conveniently placed clock right above his bed. It was a little after ten. So, who could it be? He opens the door to see Amami in front of the door, with a small smile and his hands behind the back.

"...What are you doing here?"

"I just want to give you a little something", Amami says. Then Amami gives him a small pocketknife he was hiding behind his back.

"What do I need this for?", Ryoma asks.

"Oh, nothing", Amami says, still smiling. "But hey, if you're down and sad, why don't you cut yourself to make you feel better?"

Ryoma looks at him with a blank expression, and takes the pocketknife from him. "Thanks... but are you feeling alright?"

Amami seems to go back to normal after that. "Oh... gave you the goosebumps again, huh? Sorry."

"S'all right. Now I'm starting to think you have BPD or something."

"I don't." Amami scowls, then sighs. "I don't know who I am anymore."

"Me too. Looks like we still got long ways to go."

"Will you ever use that?", Amami asks.

Ryoma shrugs. "It depends if I'm not that depressed or a sad sack of shit."

"You were always sad in the game, though."

"Well, I'm going to turn my life around."

Amami scoffs. "Well, good luck with that."

And he walks away, and Ryoma closes the door, looking at the pocketknife he was given. Was he really going to use this? To inflict pain on himself, to see himself flinch in pain, then finally becoming numb to it all. He shrugs. Maybe he's going to use it in the near future.

Just... not today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof


	4. the former ultimate maid goes for a smoke.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirumi finally wakes up from the simulation. WARNING PLEASE READ NOTES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made this as fast as i could as school draws nearer and nearer. anyway, this chapter includes, HOMOPHOBIA, SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE, AND ABUSE. I HAVE CENSORED A TRIGGER WORD HERE, SO PLEASE, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

She flees, screaming into the night. She was being encouraged by her old friends, her old comrades that had betrayed her, telling her to run, out of the court, out of Monokuma's sight. But Monokuma gives chase to her, and she cries at she will not die, she can't die in a horrible _hellhole_ like this. She screams, knowing that her execution will commence. She _needs_ to escape. For her country, for her people. What has happened to them? Will she be able to reach them in time? Then dozens of grey people, holding signs, starts to yell at her. She sweats of nervousness, but her eyes light up as she sees a thorny vine. She hesitantly climbs onto it, her hands hurting as she climbs her way to her freedom. Then she sees saws. She looks at them, but was determined to make it out alive. If she leaves her execution unscathed, she has escaped Monokuma, out of this killing game forever.

The Ultimate Maid tries to ignore the pain on her body, caused by all those saws. They cut and cut into her skin and clothes. She grunts and groans, the pain she knows how to handle, after all these years of serving people. But then, a saw cuts her back, completely cutting her both her clothes _and_ skin. She screams, a high pitched noise that rarely lefts her mouth, bottling all the emotions she feels. And finally, staggering, still climbing the vines, she sees ahead bright light. She looks up to see the outside world that she longs for. And she reaches at it, to only find paper. And she hears something snap.

Then, Kirumi Tojo, with a face of horror, still reaches out, not wanting to fall to her death. But she falls. She sees her life flash before her eyes, and her eyes closes, hearing something splat on the cold, hard ground. And she was dead. Like the rest of her classmates.

But she isn't.

* * *

She wakes up, fear in her eyes as her vision is clouded with darkness. Is she inside the pod where they were supposed to be? It does not seem like it. She touches the bottom of what she is lying on. Soft. Cottony. Her head is resting on a bunch of pillows. This must mean that they have escorted her out of the cast room and put her in here. Well, it's not like she cares. Her back figuratively aches, and she remembers her execution. Kirumi sweats, but swallows up her fears and decide to explore the building. She stands up, avoiding the fake pain on her back, and opens the door.

Kirumi shields her eyes from the light flooding into her eyes. After a few minutes of blinking, she adjusts to the bright lights and starts to walk away from the room she had woke up in. There are people milling about in the hallways, and as she walks past them, everyone gives her a look of familiarity. Like they know her. And of course they knew her. Her name will be forever written in the Danganronpa history. Just... how popular is she?

And she hears voices. Familiar ones. She walks quietly, trying to not attract the attention of the staff members and the people in the buildings. She can feel her heart beating. Is she not alone in this world? And, she stares at two people talking to each other out on the hallways, both smoking. One of them looks at her. He smiles, but that wasn't a friendly one. She knows him. She knows why she had applied to Danganronpa. It's to escape _him._

"Hey, babe", her _boyfriend,_ as she affectionately calls her says. Kirumi keeps calm.

"Paris", Kirumi acknowledges. "Nice to... see you again."

Paris throws the cigarette on the floor, then walks up to Kirumi. Kirumi is two inches taller than Paris, but his presence intimidates her enough. Then Paris closes the gap between their mouths, surprising Kirumi. She smells the cigarette Paris was smoking. She hates people smoking near her. She looks back at Paris' companion, his older brother Hector. The bastard brother of an intellectual older one. And Paris breaks the kiss.

"Come on, we're going." Kirumi looks at him.

"What are you talking about?", Kirumi asks. She does know who he is, yes, but her memory is still foggy, and her solid memories are her fabricated past.

Paris grabs her hand, making her yelp. "Let's _go_ , Kirumi."

"But... I don't want to." Paris looks at her with fire in his eyes. His fingernails dig right into Kirumi's arm, but she didn't flinch one bit.

"What?", he asks.

"I don't want to go with you", Kirumi repeats. And Paris lifts his hand, and brings them across Kirumi's face.

She hates this kind of pain. Being hit across the face is a daily occurrence in Kirumi's old life. This is why she never defies Paris. Just one minor mistake will land a bruise on her face. She's just a woman giving the man sexual pleasure. She knows it's rape, but Paris blackmails her if she's ever with her friends. She wishes that she's still in the show. And she wishes that her back _and_ face does not hurt. Kirumi looks back at Paris.

"You fucking _whore_!", he shouts, and slaps her again, and again, and again, until Kirumi becomes numb to the pain. She's curled on the floor, crying, as Paris insults her and his brother tries to calm him down.

"Hey, that's not how you treat a lady." Another familiar voice. This time firm and deep. She looks up to see a face she never expected to see: Ryoma Hoshi.

Paris sneers, and walks up to Hoshi. "And what do you know, midget?"

"I know more about her, you moron."

Paris tries to hit Hoshi, but Hoshi dodges the blow. Paris tries to get Hoshi by the shoulders, due to his short stature, but he still manages to dodge every single blow Paris keeps making. Paris grunts, gives up, and stomps off to his older brother. Kirumi looks up at the person that _she had killed_ in the killing game.

"Hey", he says. "How's it going?"

Kirumi, with trembling arms, pushes herself up, and sits on the cold, marble floors.

"...Ryoma." She says it with delicacy, like she had just met an angel sent from above. She can barely look at him, still guilty at the fictional crime she had made. "I-I'm so sorry."

Hoshi nods. "I... know." Tense silence as Kirumi feels Hoshi's eyes at her, and Kirumi avoids his. He sighs, then sits near Kirumi. "Wasn't that Paris?"

"Y-yes."

"I told myself something wasn't right with the two of you. Why didn't you tell any of us?"

Kirumi stays silent. She knows why, and she didn't want to tell. Her secret is safe with Paris and her parents, after all. She hates the men who took advantage of her for years. She doesn't necessarily hate _all_ men, but men like Paris. But she can see the spark of trust inside of Hoshi, a member of her group that she had never conversed with in her entire life. She looks up with a sad look, more tears welling in her eyes.

"I-I'm... you know..."

"A... what?"

Kirumi tires to choke out the words, afraid that Hoshi is going to turn away. "L-lesbian."

* * *

_Kirumi had returned home in the evening, carrying her bag in one shoulder. She can hear her parents arguing. She paid no mind. But sometimes, deep in her heart, she wishes that they know who she really is. She doesn't like boys, no, not at all. But her family is the Tojo family, one of the richest families in the city. She doesn't want to disappoint them. She had heard rumors of people coming out to their parents, and getting kicked out. She doesn't want that to happen to her. The money, the fame, the fortune of being inside a house... what if it all disappears just because she confesses?_

_She rings the doorbell, and a few servants gather her things and lead her to the dining hall. Her parents stopped arguing when they saw her. Fake smiles cover their faces._

_"Honey, we have a good news for you", her mother said._

_Kirumi looked up from the food she was eating. "What is it, mother?"_

_"You're going to get married after your graduation!", her mother continued._

_Kirumi nearly choked on her food. What? That isn't possible... she wants a job in the house, and she doesn't want to be married to some man!_

_"What about the business?", Kirumi asked, hiding in her panic._

_Her mother brushed her hair with her fingers. "Oh, good thinking. I plan to give it to Yamato. There's no way we're going to let a girl run the business!"_

_Kirumi felt her blood boil. She had dreamed of one day, finally running the Tojo business. But because of their sexist ways, her brother takes it all away. She had a bitter relationship with Yamato, until now, and she tried to keep cool of her parents. They had always favored her younger brother, and they ignore Kirumi until she got into a good high school._

_"Who's my future husband?", Kirumi asked again._

_"Paris, the son of Priam", her father was the one who replied, sending a glare to her mother._

_She paled. She had encountered him the past few weeks. After he broke up with that Harukawa, he was desperate and started looking for another girl he can beat up. And he had targeted her, cornering her every single day in a secluded spot, trying to seduce her. But she didn't give in, and always escape whenever he's distracted before he made advances._

_She didn't want that assole to be her husband. Never in a hundred years. She would always choose Kaede, a girl she had admired for many years. There's no way this can work. But she did. She stood up, and called the attention of her parents._

_"What is it, sweetie?", her father asks._

_She feels her heart pound, but there's no turning back. "Mother, father, I'm lesbian."_

* * *

Hoshi and Kirumi were outside. Kirumi leans on a post, and Hoshi smokes. Hoshi didn't say a word after her confession. Does he... hate her?

"Huh, I guess that makes sense", Hoshi speaks up.

"What makes sense?", Kirumi asks.

"You know, you and Paris", Hoshi replies. "I don't really give a fuck if you're lesbian or not, he's still a fuckface."

Kirumi chuckles a bit. "I guess."

* * *

_She had never been hit by her parents before. Sure, there were times they have called her names when she did something wrong, but she never gave in to them. She shouldn't. But her mother was backing away from her ever so slightly, and her father had hit her with the bible he keeps in his pocket._

_"You... you...!", her father shouts. "You ******!"_

_She had never been insulted like that before. She hadn't even noticed that Yamato had came to the scene and started to comfort his mother._

_"Don't worry mother, the whore will not get us", he says in soothing words. Her mother cries as the servants look by._

_"In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit...", her father prayed, as he raised the bible, and closed his eyes._

_"Are you going to kick me out?" It's a bold move to ask such thing. Yamato glared at her, then whispered something to her mother's ear._

_Her mother stood up, and walked over to her father, and calmed him down by whispering something to his ear, presumably what Yamato had said. Her father nodded, then looked at Kirumi again. But this time, his eyes were filled of anger and hostility._

_"No", her father replied. "Instead, I have a proposition for you."_

_Kirumi looked up, curious. This isn't what she expected at all. "What... are you going to do to me?"_

_"I will ask Priam to send Paris here so you can start dating", her father replied. "If I ever heard that you and Paris are arguing. We have no choice but to kill you."_

_"K-kill?", Kirumi choked the words out._

* * *

Kirumi coughs as she tries to smoke for the first time. Hoshi helps her and teaches her how to smoke, but in the end, she knows she's not cut out for it. After a few seconds of coughing, she throws the cigarette to the pavements and looks at Hoshi, shaking her head.

"Looks like you still got _ways_ to go", Hoshi says.

"Yes, but, where are the others?", Kirumi asks.

"Well, Rantaro is here, but he's always in his room. Only comes out after Danganronpa ends. And Kaede? Well, she returned to her parents so they can start her therapy."

Kirumi's spirits fall after he had said that Akamatsu is not here. She had admired Akamatsu, to the point that Akamatsu had said she's a stalker. This is why she joined Momota's group. To be close to Akamatsu.

"You look tired", Hoshi says. "Was it because of your... execution?"

Her back tingles as he says it. Then she remembers the blades, the blades that had cut her clothes and skin to pieces. The thorns that had hurt her fingers. And the fall. The fall that had crushed her back. She can feel her fictional pain, coming in real life. She feels her blood boil as she remembers who she was in the game. A maid. A maid to serve the others. She came from a rich, lazy family. So of course she's going to be lazy. Then, she raises one of her arms, and she hears a sound.

"What the- Kirumi, what the fuck?" Ryoma is holding his face. Kirumi has never hit anyone in her life. Until now.

"Don't mention _anything_ from Danganronpa near me." Her voice is quite stern, like she used to have when she was ransacking the innocent school kids in her school. "Are we _fucking_ clear?"

Ryoma looks at her, nothing but shock. But no fear. He's not afraid of her. He nods. "Sure. I don't even like... _that_ game."

* * *

As dinner is announced in the building, Kirumi and Hoshi were a distance away from each other. They both were cold. The others, so insensitive, kept talking about her. About her execution, about the commotion in the hallway. She's a subject now because she was the current one who died in the series. Even Amami's flamboyant entrance to the room didn't warm her. All she could think of was that she hates the attention she's getting.

"Ah, Kirumi, you're here", Amami says, sitting next to Kirumi. "How's it going?"

"Oh, you know, I got executed, my back hurts, got hit by my so called 'boyfriend'", Kirumi says, a hint of snark in her words. "So yeah, I'm good. I'm _fucking_ good."

Amami's smile falters a bit as she adds the last sentence, but still has the carefree expression on his face. "Ah, okay then."

The dinner feels so uncomfortable, that Kirumi rarely eats anything and goes back to her room. She knows what's going to happen if she goes back to her home. They'll kill her, and for real this time. She isn't what she is anymore. And going home, or talking about her family sends chills down her spine. Did she do the right thing? Escaping to a world that she loves, while psychologically tearing her apart? Making her feel ecstasy as her own body tries to cope with the changes she had made? Then, was it worth it? Worth it to escape the darkness of reality, to a simulation that will change her forever. She shrugs, then goes outside of the building.

Meh. She needs a smoke.


	5. the former ultimate artist pretends to be happy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angie tries to cope from her sadness by pretending to be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for those flashbacks, guys! most of them were from an old Long Road to Success AU, but i discontinued it! so here you go! i also extended her chapter to half a day because i want an interaction with her and tenko!

Angie knows that everything was complete. The was figures, the Necronomicon. She smiles. Atua will be proud of her when she brings back a dead person. But her smile fades when she forgot one important thing to complete her ritual. A candle. She gasps at the thought, and stands up from where she is sitting. She unlocks her research lab, and walks out of the hallways. It's nighttime. She feels someone's eyes on her, but she pays no mind. Her rule about not going outside the nighttime seems to have paid of, sort of. Maybe she had stopped that _training trio_ to train in the middle of the night.

But she wanted a candle. She _needs_ a candle to complete the ritual, to bring Amami back to life. Her devotion to Atua is huge. Everyone will be proud of her once she brings back and old friend of theirs. She only thinks about that as she starts to skip in the hallways, then finally stops to hear a noise coming from the middle room. Curious, she peeks inside to see...

"Kiyo?", she walks into the room, startling the latter. He had a floorboard on his hand, and a saw on another. She looks at it, and put two and two together. "Atua doesn't want you murdering people!"

Kiyo just stares at her with empty eyes. Then he looks at the floorboard he was holding, and starts to mutter.

"Sister is not going to like this...", he says softly.

Angie tilts her head to the right. "Huh? Why? Who's Sister?"

And Kiyo raises the removed floorboard. She looks at it in confusion, but before she could process what was going to befall to her, she falls to the floor, her forehead bleeding. All she wanted was a candle. She never got it.

* * *

_Yonaga Angie. Angie Yonaga. She is an interesting figure, to both children and adults alike. Some like how unique she is from the people who were in love with Danganronpa. She was not as ruthless as Momota and the others. She has her own personality, her own voice of reason, her own freedom. And that freedom was caused by coming out to her parents. Told her that she can tell them whatever they like. And she did. It wasn't a mistake, really, but the way they treated it, it was. Kicked her the fuck out of the house the next day. Only thing she had was her backpack filled with clothes, a phone, a charger, earsets, and some accessories. She's still contemplating where she had gone wrong in life. She was just a fifteen year old that time. Nothing more, nothing less._

_That was the last time she saw her family. Grief was on her face as she starts to live on the streets, begging people for spare change, anything to keep her alive, healthy, and alright. Angie had never been alert all her life, and she was even pursued by men in the streets. She managed to get away from all of them due to her short stature. She stole a knife from the markets and kept it in her pockets. Whenever some man tries to assault her, she stabs them, anywhere, on their bodies. She isn't used to seeing blood in her pampered life from her Christian family, but now she got used to it._

_And she finds a neighborhood, not that peaceful, but it's an alright place to live in. She finds an abandoned house, and decides to take residence there. But what she didn't know was that it's still being owned by someone. But it's too late. She already made residence there. Though there's no electricity, it is a sweet home, away from the streets. It makes her free. Until the owner unexpectedly comes in one day and finds Yonaga asleep on the floor. When she finds out she was going to get kicked out, she bawls her eyes out and starts to plead to the owner of the house to let her stay. He is hesitant to let her stay, but a boy around her age tells his father to let her stay. She feels grateful to the boy, giving him a hug. He was quite surprised, but hugged her back. The next day, she found out that the one who saved her life was Rantaro, one of the richest people._

_Rantaro, being a friendly person, decides to enroll her in highschool and give her some insurance, which made her concerned and pleased. She started to look for jobs. And the only thing available was a casino Kuzuryu owns. Kuzuryu is suspicious that she's underage, but Angie confides this by telling him about the many wonders of drinks, beverages, and basically any suggestive themes. Kuzuryu, convinced, lets Angie get the job, much to her joy. The casino is a good payment, and she gets a decent amount of money each week. But when Kuzuryu tells her she can drink whenever she wants, she was curious. And she drank her first bottle, age sixteen. She wasn't fond of the taste, but she started to drink. She drank 'til she forgot about her problems._

* * *

She wakes up to find herself in a dark room. She feels a pillow over her head, and a blanket draped across her body. She feels some pain on her forehead, but it was nothing she can handle. She stands up, her body shaking a bit, then finds a bathroom inside the bedroom. She stumbles to the room, and goes to the mirror. Jesus, her complexion had changed. Her dark skin was now pale, and she had eye bags under her eyes. Her hair was messy as well. Then, she smiles.

"Meh!", then goes outside the bathroom, trying to skip but failed all the same. She stumbles and hits her head on the floorboard, and she groans.

Angie brushes it off by lying down on the bed, still thinking at what her life could've been if she had just _listened_ to Ouma's advice about how addictive the show was.

Ouma.

Ouma was now... a pain in the ass. A liar. A trickster. Ouma's become a villain in this story, which made Angie's heart break een a little when she remembers that Ouma has become like Momota or Akamatsu. But then again, she smiles. She would have had the money that Team Danganronpa will give to her. And she can shove it on her parent's faces, swear at them, mock them, spit at them...

But still, was it _worth_ being in a series filled with teenagers forced to kill each other to escape the place?

* * *

_Angie is a loner in school. Always leaning on the lockers, not getting involved in social standings, anything to not get mocked by her peers. Then she notices Rantaro with three other students, all talking to each other. She stands straight, smiles, and approaches Rantaro._

_"Hi, Rantaro!", she greets with an amount of sweetness. Rantaro whips his head at her, confused, then smiles and waves at her._

_"Oh, hey, Angie", he says in a casual manner._

_Angie stops in front of them, confusing the others._

_"Rantaro, who's this?", a black haired boy asks, tugging at Rantaro's sleeve. Rantaro pats the boy's head._

_"Angie, these are my friends." He gestures to the black haired boy with purple eyes. Angie looks at him in the eye. He quivers and looks away nervously. "That's Ouma Kokichi." He then gestures to the red haired girl. She seems to have a lisp. She looks up at Angie with confusion. "She's Yumeno Himiko." And finally, he gestures to the black haired boy with a cap, who was focused on his phone. He looks distorted. "And that's uh, Saihara Shuichi."_

_"Hello!", Angie says, again with a wave of energy. "I'm Angie Yonaga!"_

_"H-Hello", Oma says nervously, still not meeting her eyes._

_"Hey", Yumeno says in a casual tone._

_"Mm." And Saihara doesn't say anything._

_"So, can I sit by you guys at lunch?", Angie asks._

_Rantaro chuckles. "Of course, no need to ask."_

_Ouma turns his head to Rantaro, tears brimming his eyes. "W-what? We don't t-trust her yet!"_

_"We're not supposed to trust anyone", Saihara speaks up. His voice is soft; almost no one heard it._

_"W-what he said", Oma agrees._

_"C'mon! I'm not harmless!", Angie says with outstretched arms. "I'm a poor, former homeless, sexually assaulted girl!"_

_Saihara looks up at her to see unamused eyes._

_"Yeah, whatever." Saihara continues to watch what was on his phone._

_Rantaro shakes his head. "Guys, don't be so hostile with her. She's new."_

_"She m-might leave us for Momota's group", Ouma says._

_Angie looks around in confusion. "Who's this Momota?"_

_"No one", Yumeno immediately says. "Let's go have lunch."_

* * *

She hears a knock on her door. Forcing a smile on her face, she stumbles to reach the door and open it.

"Hello! I'm Angie Yonaga!", she says in a cheerful manner to a woman that has a shirt that reads _"Team Danganronpa Staff"_. She nods.

"Well, I'm Himari Hana", she says in a soft yet stern voice. She sighs. "At least _you're_ not that depressed."

Angie's eye twitches at the mention of depression. It's something that can't leave her mind, and never lets her sleep. She didn't have that in Danganronpa. No, she's just a cheerful girl, always there to help out her friends and believe in the imaginary god _Atua_. And became the most hated character in the cast.

"Soooo, what do you want?", Angie asks. Hana sighs.

"Listen, kid", Hana says. "It's dinner time. You need to go get your meal before it turns cold."

Angie nods. "Then... can you guide me to the dining hall, then?"

Hana nods. "Sure thing, kid."

Hana helps Angie walk to the dining hall, not letting her stumble or fall. Hana opens the door to the dining hall, and Angie sees a familiar face. Ignoring her stumbles, she taps Amami's shoulder, and he turns to face Angie. She smiles, and Amami smiles as well.

"Oh, Angie", Amami says. "You're awake."

"Because I'm not deaaad!", Angie replies with a cheerful expression. Her smile almost falters that she even mentions death.

Amami chuckles. "Yeah, you're not."

They silently eat dinner, and Angie sees the other people in the dining hall actually _talking,_ not looking at their phones. There were some people who were holding their phones, but they put it down when the food comes. Angie remembers what high school was like, filled with Danganronpa loving lunatics. She became one of them too.

* * *

_Lunch with them was... quiet, not that thrilling. Yumeno, Rantaro, and Saihara were all watching something on their phones, with earsets. They haven't even touched their food. What are they watching. She looks at Oma, who is the only one who is eating his food. Actually, the two of them are the only ones paying attention to their food and health, rather than what's on their phone. Even the staff members are focused on their phones._

_"Um, what's going on?", Angie asks Ouma._

_Oma looks up from his food, confused. "You're not... bringing out y-your cellphone?"_

_"Why would I do that?"_

_"Have you ever heard of Danganronpa?"_

_Danganronpa. The word doesn't click. She clicks her tongue, then shakes her head. Ouma laughs a bit._

_"Danganronpa is a show that's about teenagers killing each other", Oma explains. "It won the top ratings, and stayed like that for eleven years. When everyone got a hand on Danganronpa, they only think about the show. Hell, they even use real people in the show. No actors, no script. Real fucking people. Oh, but don't worry, it gets better. The Danganronpa world is filmed in a simulation. So in the end, the guys who participated gotta suffer. This week, I think from what I'm seeing on Rantaro's cellphone, is Daily Life. Meaning, Deadly Life will be out the week later. Everyone in the whole world is obsessed." He stretches his arms, standing up, then sitting back down after that 'dramatic' moment. "Except for me, I guess."_

_Angie is astonished. Murder? Real people? Virtual simulation? Teenagers? Those all sound horrible. Why did they find this entertaining? It's a bunch of teenagers, trying to kill each other. What was the creator thinking? What was everyone thinking, enjoying people getting killed? So they can see themselves getting sad? Hurt? Traumatized? Angie doesn't get it. She will never get the society she lives in._

_"Yeah, I know what you're thinking", Ouma says with a smirk._

_"What are you talking about?", Angie asks._

_"You're thinking 'Oh no! A bunch of teenagers forced to kill each other! How horrible! Why does everybody like this piece of shit?!' But then, after you've watched one chapter of the shit show, you'll be obsessed in no time." He yawns. "You see, Danganronpa is like a drug. You know it's unhealthy, but once you're doing it, you can't stop. Once a favorite character of yours die, oh no, you go all sad. But, after a while, you come back to the show, obsessing about it, talking about it, thinking about it. And you-" He points at Angie with a finger. "-will be obsessed with it. Trust me, I've seen people come and go, until I'm the only one who hates that show. I'm not surprised to see you go." He said all those words with hostility and anger. Angie sighs._

_"Ah, fuck!", Rantaro suddenly shouts, along with other people making distressed sounds. Rantaro takes his earpieces off, a scowl settling on his face. Saihara chuckles, then removes the earpiece, and so does Yumeno, who looks happy._

_"He's finally dead", Yumeno deadpans, taunting Rantaro._

_Saihara scoffs. "Seriously, what did you see in the Ultimate Therapist?"_

_"Everything you've never seen", Rantaro says bitterly. "And to think they were the Chapter 3 victim..."_

_"I wonder what kinda scheme the killer pulled", a girl sits between Saihara and Yumeno. This girl has her dark hair in pigtails._

_"Ah, Maki", Ouma says. "Where've you been?"_

_"Teacher made me clean the fucking room while he watched Danganronpa", the girl, "Maki", groans._

_Saihara widens his eyes. "Woah, that's like, so fucking disrespectful."_

_"I know." Then she meets Angie's eyes. "Who're you?"_

_"Oh, that's Yonaga Angie", Rantaro replies. "Angie, this is Harukawa Maki."_

_"Call me Maki", she says._

_"Only people close to her can call her-", Yumeno starts to say, but was interrupted by a blonde haired girl._

_"Harumaki", the girl says. Saihara stiffens, clinging close to Maki. Maki glares at the girl._

_"Akamatsu." Her voice is bitter towards "Akamatsu"._

* * *

"Wow", Angie says as she follows Amami to his room, where she didn't stop Amami from cutting himself.

"Angie, you didn't even _try_ to stop me", Amami says with a strained smile.

Angie shrugs. "But but... why should I? This _is_ your coping mechanism, right? To cut yourself until you bleed all over?"

Amami tilts his head to the right. "I never see it that way. Usually, when I see people cutting themselves, some people who are close to them are all _"You shouldn't do this to yourself."_ So, you don't want to interrupt one of my little sessions?"

Angie shakes her head. "Nah. Say, how did the whole world feel, when I died?"

"Many people hated you across the internet", Amami replies, bandaging his scars. "Because you're a religious character and brainwashed your _'student council'_."

Angie laughs. "That's fucking stupid. It's like saying you hate Shuichi for being a detective and like Kyoko for being a detective. Or, saying you like Nagito for being hope-crazed and hating me because I'm _Atua-crazed._

Amami laughs. "You provide solid points right there... I think. And yeah, people _do_ hate Shuichi."

"Ha! For what? Removing their _waifu_ Kaede from the game? Thinking he was dull? Well, guess what? Kaede's just as fucking dull as Shuichi!"

Amami laughs even harder. "That's _exactly_ why they hate Shuichi!"

Angie shakes her head, laughing. "I don't even know anymore."

Their laughter died down a few minutes later, after talking more about how bad the others were in the game, even them. Angie feels alive, but at the same time dead. Now, they were chuckling on the floor.

"So, where are the others?", Angie asks a while later.

"Oh, Ryoma is in prison, visiting his brother, Kaede is with her mothers and sister, and Kirumi went to go look for Kaede."

"So, it's just you in here."

"Yeah. But hey, someone will be next after you."

Angie raises a brow. "Oh yeah, a double murder."

"I wonder who the killer is", Amami says, tapping his chin.

"It was Kiyo!", Angie says cheerfully.

Amami sends a glare in her direction, knowing that he's now spoiled.

" _Really?_ ", he deadpans. Angie giggles.

"Yes, really!"

* * *

Her sleep wasn't really as cheerful as what she thought it out to be. It was nightmares from both her past life and her life in Danganronpa. She actually felt guilty about her actions in the game, especially for the way she treated Himiko, the love of her life. She knows Tenko loves her too, both in real and Danganronpa lives. Should Himiko pick on who the better one is? Angie is alright with polyamory, even if she doesn't like one person in the polyamory. She can still have Himiko, and so will Tenko. But her dreams show that Himiko hates her, spreading insults about her, anything. While Angie just cries in vain as Himiko turns her back towards her and then to Tenko, a girl she barely even knew but was part of Momota's gang.

Angie wakes up as a small light from the windows alarm her that it was morning. Morning, huh? Danganronpa's going to air later soon. She hears a knock on the door, and she opens it, revealing Tenko. Wait, Tenko?

"Hey, Angie", Tenko says. She looks like she hasn't sleep. She was looking at everywhere except her.

"Wait, what time is it?", Angie asks.

Tenko scratches the hind of her neck, then looks at the clock out of the hallway. "Eleven fifty-seven. Deadly Life started three hours ago."

Angie's eyes widen. She _slept_ that long? She had thought that it was still morning. That explains why it was so hot in the room. Angie looks at Tenko with a smile.

"Good afternoon to you, Tenko!", she says with a smile. "How's your day?"

Tenko shrugs, then scratches the back of her neck again. "I'm... not fine. I mean, I treated Himiko so uncomfortable, to be honest. And well, the boys too."

Angie nods. "Did you go apologize to the remaining boys here?"

Tenko nods. "Yeah. But, I'll never forgive the person who killed me and you." She grits her teeth.

Angie nods. "But... did you have lunch?"

Tenko nods again. "Yeah, I don't really give a fuck about resting. And... look. Do you... like Himiko?"

Angie nods and claps. "Yep! I really like Himiko, you know?"

Tenko sighs. "Sorry for stealing her from you."

Angie shrugs. "No worries, I know that she'll loves us, even if we're... you know..."

Tenko chuckles. "Well, okay. Anyway, Rantaro saved you some food for lunch."

"Okay then, thanks!" Angie runs to the dining hall. She opens the door to see a plate full of food right in front of her. She smiles.

As she eats, she looks back to Tenko again. She was a bitch in high school, but now, she's just a bitch to boys. She had observed Tenko scratching her neck, so that must mean that her cause of death was the back of her neck...? She sighs to herself. She isn't a competition. She loves Himiko like how Angie loves her. It's like a love triangle, but Himiko likes them both so much she can't choose. Or maybe she can? Angie feels something in her stomach, so she abandons what she was eating and goes straight to her room.

Then she hears Monokuma beginning the trial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> by the way, "Hana Himari" is an oc of mine in a Fangan Ronpa i made.  
> [My latest fanart:](https://www.deviantart.com/february-6555/art/Yonahimi-Forever-747021092)


	6. the former ultimate aikido master talks out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After waking up, Chabashira goes to talk to Angie, whom she thinks is competition for Yumeno's heart. But that was all forgotten as she gets to know the girl she used to bully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mentions of drunk abuse and homophobic language!

"At last, at last, at long last..."

The room is filled with the echoes of Kiyo's song, and soon, the others follow. Tenko is sitting in a weird position, her head touching a small stone. Is this really worth it so she can see Yumeno happy? Is it worth it that Yonaga will speak through her mouth and say who the culprit is?

Tenko doesn't know.

She never knows anything. And she still haven't felt a sense of spiritual activity inside of her. Did that degenerate lie and wasted their time singing this song, and Tenko to be in such a position. Then, she hears a voice going near her. It was familiar, a whisper. Then she hears a loud bang, and then Tenko feels a sharp blade cut her neck. Then, she bleeds out, still alive, but the same time, dead. Tenko's heart starts to beat slower and slower, and her eyes are still staring into the darkness. She can't manage her position at all, so she bleeds to the ground, and her eyes drop to a close. And she never said that she loved Yumeno.

* * *

Then she opens them. Ah, yes. The memories of her old life comes back to her, to haunt her of her mistakes. It seems as if she would not rest until those memories are gone. But they're like the wind; forever moving. Tenko can't even lie down her bed without seeing how many people had suffered because of her. How many cower before her. Tenko is- well, was- a superior. In the end, she used to be a degenerate. She blinks, blindly staring at the dark ceiling of the room.

"Degenerate male?", she says in a hushed voice. She sits up, then groans as she feels a little pain on the back of her neck. Oh. That's right. She died.

Tenko sighs a bit, then lies back down. _Degenerate, huh?,_ she thinks to herself. _It seems as if I'm the degenerate._ She never had a problem with boys in her real life. Well, except if it was her father. Yes, she is aware that he's doing everything he can to give her a good life, but when he comes back home drunk, he would beat her senselessly. Tenko touches one of her leg, then feels a healing bruise. She hopes it heals. She sits up again. The pain on her back has faded. She rubs it carefully. This must be where she was killed. But how? All she can remember was a soft, ethereal voice singing the Caged Child Song, and a loud thud sounding from the floors. And, well, her bleeding out, she guesses. Who was the person that killed her, though? She shudders at that memory, but she decides to stand, and start walking around the rooms.

_She wakes up as she hears the sound of a bang in the living room. With fearful eyes, Tenko locks the door. She loves her father, she really does. But whenever her father is home drunk, he would hit her and abuse her. She crawls to her blankets, waiting for the calm before the storm. Appropriately, she hears the patter of raindrops pouring down their humble home. Tenko hears her father grumbling, and her breathing ceases. She wants his father to think that she was asleep. Tenko looks down to the doorway. There was a shadow. Her father's shadow. Tenko covers her mouth with her pillow, but to no luck. He senses his daughter breathing to the walls, and bangs the door._

_"I know you're in there, Tenko", he says. Tenko cowers, curling her knees. "Come on. I wanna see my daughter. Come out."_

_Tenko, though not liking it when her father gets drunk, is a person that does not defy people's orders. Reluctantly, she climbs off her bed, and slowly reaches for the doorknob._

_The next day, she was seen with bruises on her face._

She then bumps to someone taller than her, but before she falls, she was caught by none other than Amami. She exhales a bit, then frowns.

"Watch it, degenerate-", she cuts herself off. Amami tilts his head to the side.

"Don't you always say that to _us?_ ", Amami asks. Tenko nods her head. "Then why are you cutting yourself off?"

"I just...", Tenko scratches her head. She sighs. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Tenko waves her arms. "For... mistreating you in the game? Calling you names?"

Amami chuckles. "No reason to apologize. It's alright. It's a part of life. Anyway, how're you? You were... stabbed to the neck, right?"

Tenko freezes and shudders, feeling the back of her neck itch. She glares at Amami, and he just smiles innocently. "Rantaro, where are the others?"

Amami shrugs, then points to a room across the hallway. "Angie's room. The others left for some reason."

Tenko nods. "Oh..." She feels disappointed that she wasn't going to see Akamatsu, Hoshi and Tojo, and talk to them as well. After all, they _were_ friends in real life. But she gladly takes Amami's offer and knocks on Angie's door.

"Also, tell her I saved her lunch!", Amami says. Tenko gives him a thumbs up.

Angie opens the door with a small smile plastered on her face. Tenko only sees that she had a few eye bags, but is still the same person in the game. Except that they were wearing school uniform. Tenko doesn't look at her.

"Hey, Angie", Tenko says.

"Wait, what time is it?", Angie asks.

Tenko scratches the hind of her neck, then looks at the clock out of the hallway. "Eleven fifty-seven. Deadly Life started three hours ago."

She sees Angie's eyes widen. So, does that mean Angie has been asleep for _half_ a day already? She can't blame her. She had just came out from a simulation after getting killed by their... _murderer._ She feels her face sour at the thought that she was murdered, but who could it be?

"Good afternoon to you, Tenko!", she says with a smile. "How's your day?"

Tenko shrugs, then scratches the back of her neck again. "I'm... not fine. I mean, I treated Himiko so uncomfortable, to be honest. And well, the boys too."

Angie nods. "Did you go apologize to the remaining boys here?"

Tenko nods. "Yeah. But, I'll never forgive the person who killed me and you." She grits her teeth.

Angie nods. "But... did you have lunch?"

Tenko nods again. "Yeah, I don't really give a fuck about resting. And... look. Do you... like Himiko?"

Angie nods and claps. "Yep! I really like Himiko, you know?"

Tenko sighs. "Sorry for stealing her from you."

Angie shrugs. "No worries, I know that she'll loves us, even if we're... you know..."

Tenko chuckles. "Well, okay. Anyway, Rantaro saved you some food for lunch."

"Okay then, thanks!" Angie runs to the dining hall. She opens the door to see a plate full of food right in front of her. She smiles.

* * *

_Tenko was just minding her own business; skipping school with some of her friends. Then she sees Momota pointing to a small girl. She had red hair and blue eyes. Tenko immediately falls in love._

_"Hey, Tenko", Akamatsu says with a sly smirk._

_"What?"_

_"Push her." Tenko blinks. Push? She heard that right, right? Gathering her courage, she walks up behind the girl and pushes her, earning a surprised yelp from the girl._

_Tenko's friends laugh at the misfortune, and Tenko herself feels a smirk on her face, even after the girl looks at her with fear and sprints off. Akamatsu swings her arms around Tenko, which surprises her a bit, but relaxes to the touch. Tenko puts her arms across her hips, feeling pride swell on her chest. Wait. She's taking _pride_ on the girl she had just pushed? The girl she becomes interested in? What would _she_ think of Tenko now? Of course she's going to avoid her. Tenko inwardly sighs._

_Now she never gets to spend time with that red-haired girl._

* * *

Tenko eats her lunch in silence. She can hear the class trial starting. Bored, and didn't want to return to her room, she knocks on Angie's door. Angie opens it.

"What is it, Tenko?", she asks.

"Well, I'm kinda bored", Tenko replies. "And I don't want to watch Danganronpa."

Angie giggles. "Of course you don't! Sure, how do I quench your boredom?"

Tenko shrugs. "You can do anything. Just don't make me bored."

"Sure! Come inside, I have something to show you!"

Tenko, with raised brows, curiously goes inside to see what Angie wants to show her. It was quite strange that the girl seems to be... happy. Well, so was Amami, but she's... estatic. Like she couldn't care less. Like she didn't care what would be happening towards everyone.

_"So, you're their new friend?", Tenko asks. Angie raises a brow, but nods._

_"Yep!"_

_Tenko scoffs. "You're hanging out with a bunch of retarded fags."_

_Angie frowns. "They are not retarded fags, though."_

_"They are."_

_"They're not. I bet you're the one who's a 'retarded fag.'"_

_Tenko had not expected that response. She was rarely snapped at, maybe except her father, but that's about it. She feels anger rise inside her. She balls her fists and punches Angie on the face. Angie was lying on the ground, massaging her cheek, groaning in pain. Tenko smirks._

_"That's what you deserve", Tenko replies, leaving the girl on the ground._

And she's looking at the same girl she had hit, picked on, called names, bullied on. She was still the same, for some _odd_ reason. Tenko can hear the girl humming to herself as she fixes the bed she was using in the Team Danganronpa building. It sends a shiver down the black-haired girl's spine when she remembers where they are. The place that created what she used to love. Did she love it after what it had done to them?

"Angie", Tenko says. Angie hums in response. "Should I love Danganronpa after what it had done to me?"

Angie looks at her, tapping her chin, then she shrugs. "Up to you if you want to like that shit show."

Tenko realizes it was the first time she had ever heard her say something. "I have to ask, why are you so happy all the time?"

"Because I want to be a role-model."

"By... smiling a lot?"

Angie gives her a serious look. "Everyone is sad, Tenko. If I would be like them, then no one would ever tell them that they can be happy. Why do you think I hang out with people like Ouma or Harukawa? To give them some happiness once in their lives. I'm actually impressed that they didn't remove my happy side in the game."

Tenko nods. "Yeah. You're like... I don't know what to call it."

" _Though_ I'm pissed they turned me to an obnoxious occult leader", Angie cuts in. "You know I'm not religious; I got kicked out of my home for being bi."

"You're bi?" Tenko fidgets with her shirt. Angie nods. "Well, I'm lesbian."

_She sits down opposite of her father, across the small living room they had and on the only chair in the room. At least her father's not drunk. But she just can't help but feel nervous about her coming out to her parent figure. They're also Catholic as well, and she had heard rumors that queer people were kicked out of their homes after coming out. Tenko bites back tears._

_"Tenko? What's wrong?", her father asks._

_Okay, Tenko, breathe. And she breathes._

_"You're going to kick me out because of this", Tenko replies, still biting back the tears forming in her eyes. She didn't wanna be homeless. Even if their home was a rundown shack in the middle of the squatter area, she didn't want to become homeless._

_"What? Why?" She can sense her father's confusion in his voice. But she knows it'll turn to anger in the next second. "Tenko, dear, please speak to me."_

_"I'm... I... I like girls. I'm lesbian."_

_Silence. Then she hears footsteps coming towards her. She braces herself for a fist colliding with her face, but she is enveloped in a tight hug. She cries freely now, on her father's shoulder. Why would he hug her? She just defied God's will. Does he still love her, or is this false love?_

_"Tenko, dear, I know that I abuse you when I'm drunk", her father says, hiccuping. "But I will never hit you for expressing who you are."_

_"But... doesn't God..."_

_"God loves all people, Tenko. He will always forgive your sins. Be yourself. Date any girl you want. As long as you don't stop working hard, okay?" He kisses the top of Tenko's forehead._

_Tenko can feel a smile forming on her lips. "Okay. Thank you, dad."_

"I'm jealous", Angie says mockingly. "You mentioned that your father abuses you when you were drunk, but he supports you when he's sober? I'd like to meet him."

Tenko chuckles a bit. She rubs the bruise on her thigh. "He'd be asking you questions about how you're treating me."

"True, true." Angie walks to the door and opens it, looking at the clock. "Huh. The third trial ended a while ago."

"So?"

"Kiyo got executed." Amami was at the door. Tenko's heart stops. Korekiyo Shinguji, the Ultimate Anthropologist, her former friend, killed her? For what reason?

"Mind you, his reason for killing two people were disgusting", Amami says as he sits down with Angie and Tenko.

"What was his motive?", Tenko couldn't help but ask.

Amami scrunches his nose. "Incest."

Angie chokes. "Ew! What do you mean by that?"

Even Tenko felt sick. Even though Shinguji's character in Danganronpa is a false, alternate personality, she couldn't fathom being in the same room with him. It was maybe because he killed her? Or was it his motive? Then, she remembers the times Shinguji invited the group to his home to meet the former Danganronpa celebrity Keiko Shinguji. Tenko had met her once. Shinguji had also kept talking about her, glorifying her, but now after the revelation of the fictional personality of his, it became _tainted_.

"How, though?", Tenko asks. "How did he get executed?"

"Oh, he got boiled alive by Monokuma and salted to death by his sister", Amami replies.

Tenko nods. "Serves him right."

"Aren't you his friend, though?", Angie asks.

Tenko shrugs. "I don't know yet."

* * *

Dinner with them was oddly quiet, unless if you count out the staff members talking about Angie, Tenko, and Shinguji's death. They were so _insensitive,_ but it's highly that they don't care about their morality. She had also heard that Shinguji was in his room, not awake, but asleep. Thank God. She doesn't want to face her former friend in an awkward dinner in Team Danganronpa's building. Especially after what he did in the simulation. After eating a portion of the food Angie gave her, she comes back to her room.

It was a lonely night, but at least the stars kept her company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry that I haven't uploaded this fanfic in a month! I was really busy with school stuff and I didn't really want to start a new chapter of this until now! Also, I'm really sorry if this is shorter or if the ending is lazy!


	7. the former anthropologist is disgusted with himself.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiyo is sick. As in, mentally sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello please read the prequel to this story which is called [Long Road to Success](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14523942/chapters/33556620)  
> and yes this was supposed to be posted on Kiyo's birthday but the internet went down  
> yes i headcannon him to be a musical fan

The water was boiling him. Holy shit, it _burns._ He can feel sweat on his forehead, and his hair becoming disgustingly greasy. He tries to hide his pain by looking up, desiring for his sister to be there. His sister whom he loves so, so _much._ The mask helps him hide the pain of getting boiled to beyond _one hundred fucking degrees Celcius_ , yet it wasn't enough. He can feel his eyes bleeding, letting out the blood he needed. He knew why. Being boiled beyond the boiling point was quite painful, and that was the reason why blood was running down his eyes, not tears. His organs had been melted, and his eye sockets are basically letting all the ruined oegans out of his body. He tries and tries to be calm, but he's trembling. Then he lets the water boil him to death. It was a disgusting, slow death, but one that has to suffice. But it didn't suffice Kiyo's needs.

Steam errupts from the pot; it was now a pink hue. He fixes his hair, and looks up to the sky. He was a mist, a ghost without any form. He can't be resurrected, sure, but this meant that he can join his sister in the afterlife. As if on cue, the heavens shine bright, and out came his sister, who extends her arms, waiting for her lover. Kiyo follows suit, floating forward to catch her in an embrace. Then Monokuma jumps in, throwing salt at Kiyo. In an instance, the ghost shrieks, and unexpectedly, his sister joins in on tormenting his brother, on making him _cease_ to be.

Watching in horror, they threw salt at him until he finally dissolves into nothing. No after life, whatsoever. His sister betrayed him, his beloved sister whom he cares for deeply.

* * *

Kiyo was in a tight space, and his body wasn't keen on moving. He blinks as the pod opens; of course, Danganronpa, he recalls. An employee extends his hand, and Kiyo weakly takes it. His grasp was not as strong as before. He felt sick, as if he wanted to wallow in his depression for as long as he needed. Not like he had depression or anything. It was just how he would be seen by the fans of Danganronpa. How would he even face his so-called _friends_ again? How could he ever face _Iruma_ again? He bites back curses. He looks at the employee of Team Danganronpa, guiding him to his room. He knows. His sister had been here before, he had visited her before.

Kiyo blinks. His _sister_. He fakes a cough. There was something churning in the inside; he can't quite place it. His mind starts to wander to the times he had played with Keiko, bless his sister- he almost vomitted as he said that sentence- but after his execution, after he murdered Yonaga _and_ Chabashira for his _undying love for his dearest Sister,_ all those memories seem to be tainted.

He wasn't even aware that the Team Danganronpa employee had told him this was his room. The front door looks shoddy-it was just a _door,_ Kiyo, for crying out loud- but as he opens it, the room was big. It had a goddamn King-size bed and comfortable pillows, for ceting out loud. There was a desk, a wardrobe-

He gets the sickening feeling that he was back in those wretched dorms in that academy. He suddenly gulps.

"Mister Shinguji?", the employee snaps him out of his thought ridicule-Kiyo inwardly groans when the employee called him Mister, but that's about it- and looks at the employee with a faux curious look; as much as he can manage with the mask he was wearing.

"Yes?", he says. God. His voice. It was still the same, yet raspier. For some reason, he didn't want to hear his voice. Then again, he is _absolutely disgusted_ with himself right now, so he lets that feeling reside within him.

"Here are the room keys", the employee extends a hand. Kiyo presumes that jand must have his room keys. He takes it. He glances at his hands. There are bandages. He wanted to rip the bandages off with his bare teeth. And his mask, too. He just doesn't want to remind himself that his Danganronpa simulate _looks exactly like him._

"Thank you", he mutters.

"Wait." Kiyo looks up, and sees the employee take out some sort of pocket book, an iPod with earphones, and a photo album? "Ms. Iruma wanted you to have these."

Kiyo looks at the things piling on the employee's hands. Iruma. That name was beautiful to him. And he's still in love with her. For God's sake they were both hopeless. He takes the things from the employee and mutters a 'thank you'.

* * *

Kiyo must have spent an hour examining the things he once had. Maybe some of these was Iruma's stuff. He looks at the iPod. He can't recall why the hell would he buy some sort of... thing in the first place, but this must be Iruma's. He plugs in the earphones and plays the first song on the iPod. Mistakably, in full volume.

_'How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore-'_

Kiyo, surprised, removes the earphones from his ears at the sudden sound. Oh my _God._ He grimaces. It was a _phase,_ he told her, a goddamn phase.

_"Alexander Hamilton!", Kiyo sang as he made his way to the cafeteria. People passed by and looked at Kiyo with a bewildered look. He didn't mind them as he sauntered past some other people chatting about the next season of Danganronpa. "If we manage to get this right, they'll surrender by early night! The world, will never be the same!"_

_He sat down right next to Iruma, smiling like an idiot._

_Iruma laughed. "What, still singing Hamilton Musical songs?"_

_Kiyo ignored her, and then started to faintly sing something incoherrible and not the song's lyrics._

_"Pansy", Momota muttered._

_And maybe, just maybe, he was right._

Kiyo was somehow enlightened by that memory, to remember that he was actually _into_ something other than Danganronpa.

He smiles lightly, before plugging his earphones and unpausing the song- and, he reminded himself, reduce the volume- and lying on the bed.

_'The ten dollar, founding father without a father got a lot smarter by working a lot harder...'_

* * *

_'But Alexander, I'll never forget the first time I saw your face...'_

Kiyo had been listening to the musical for maybe an hour or two. Maybe it was because it was very catchy. He remembered how he started to sing or hum uncontrollably during class, and basically bawling his eyes out at some depressing and heart-wrenching songs. This is one of them.

_'I have never been the same. Intelligent eyes and a hunger-pang frame...'_

He remembered how much he was in love with Satisfied. It was the first ever song that made the stoic, possibly emotionless, and unreadable Korekiyo Shinguji cry. He didn't know why, though. Maybe it was how sad the girl- Angelica Schuyler- was being.

_'When you said "Hi" I forgot my dang name.'_

He promises himself to binge-listen _all_ of the Hamilton soundtrack.

_"This musical is historically inaccurate", Kiyo said after the musical had ended. He was walking hand-in-hand with Iruma._

_"But?", Iruma started._

_"But", Kiyo sighed. "I do believe they have catchy songs."_

_Iruma laughed. "Of course you do, musical freak."_

_"I am not", Kiyo replied with a scrunched face. "And should you not be insulting me on my birthday?"_

_Iruma scoffed. "Fuck that birthday rule. Are you expecting a gift from me or something?"_

_"No?"_

_Iruma bit her lips. "You'd probably be asking me to give you a blowjob."_

_Kiyo spluttered, and looked at the smirking Iruma. God, he wanted to rip that grin off her face. He was cursing at her, and all she did was laugh._

_"How can you say that in public without any sort of humiliation?!", Kiyo exclaimed._

_Iruma shrugged. "It's kinda what I do. But... have a birthday gift."_

_Iruma searched around her pockets and gave him..._

_"An iPod?", Kiyo said. "What am I suposed to do with this?"_

_"Ya know, download songs and shit like that."_

_"Why give it to me?"_

_Iruma looked at him, her eyes shining under the streetlight. "Because, I know you like music and musicals and anything that includes some sort of symphony in this world and I would like you to basically make yourself comfortable and sing every single song you want without anyone bothering you."_

_Kiyo looked at her with bewildered eyes. He didn't say anything, he didn't retort nor protest against her statement, and he's certainly falling in love with her._

A knock on his door. Sighing, Kiyo opens the door to see a Team Danganronpa employee. He silently grimaces, but keeps his cold look as he glared daggers at the employee-who was shorter than him.

"Yes?", he asks.

"It's dinnertime." The employee was looking anywhere but him.

"So?"

"You must eat, sir."

Kiyo blinks. Right now, he didn't want to go outside. He didn't want to hear the people around him, talking about how sick and disgusting and unsettling he was in the game. And he certainly does not want to see the people he had killed in the game. He didn't want to face scrutiny from them, to hear them whisper behind his back, to give him a forced pleasant, civil look at him. Maybe even a forced conversation. He knows. He knows they didn't want to see his sick face anywhere near them. Especially Yonaga and Chabashira. They'll jump on him at any given time. He unconciously balls his fists. He didn't want them to recognize him. He feels the bandages on his skin. He wore this in the simulation too. Fuck. He hates everything he did to himself. Even after losing himself to his own thoughts, he still manages to remain eye contact with the employee. He sighs, shaking his head.

"Can you bring my dinner to me?", he asks.

The employee nods. "Of course, sir."

After a few minutes, the employee comes back with a plateful of food for Kiyo. He thanks the employee and closes the door. His hand trembles as he eats a spoonful of rice. He finally tasted food after weeks of being in the simulation. He didn't even notice he was hungry until he takes his first bite of meat. It was warm, and soft under his mouth. He savors his food, he chews it like it was the most prestigious meal he had ever seen. He had taken off his mask, and he knows he _does not_ have lipstick on his lips. After a few minutes, he was finished. He drinks the glas of water the employee had given him, and opens the door to wait for the employee to return. He notices that the hallways were empty. That's great. He leaves the plate and glass on his doorstep.

* * *

_'Lord, show me how to say no to this, I don't know how to say no to this...'_

Kiyo groans. He had been up all night listening to Hamilton. Which is quite unhealthy, to his standards, but he just can't help himself. And he's in the part where Hamilton acts like a complete idiot and cheats on his wife. He pauses the iPod and looks at the windows. It's still night time. He fixes his pillows and curls into his blankets. He dozes off as soon as he closes his eyes. He could feel his body melting underneath him, but he pays it no mind. He hopes those therapy sessions work.

His eyes open in panic. He was sweating. So much. He feels as if he has been compressed to a wall and was forced to sit there in unmeasurable hours. Screaming as if he's being murdered by a maniac-that is quite ironic, as Kiyo put it- he tores off the blankets that was wrapping him up like a bandage. Kiyo looks around in alarm, trying to calm himself. His gaze focuses on his mask, and, hesitantly, puts it on his mouth. He had rememvered why he needed a mask. So he can hide how he really feels. It is unhealthy, keeping everything bottled up inside is very unhealthy, but Kiyo has _pride._

Someone knocks on his door. Kiyo looks at the doorknob. He looks at the window. It was already morning, and the room was _still_ hot. He feels sweat trickle down his face, and unintentionally slaps himself. He didn't want to have memories of Danganronpa again.

Kiyo, straddling himself with his arms, trembling, opens the door. A girl shorter than him was on the door, with sweat trickling dowbln her face. She looks up and down at Kiyo, then smiles.

"Kiyo!", Yonaga bellows, wrapping Kiyo in a tight hug. Their bodies were in touch, and Kiyo wanted so badly to let some distance grow between them. Because, they're both sweaty and greasy.

Kiyo nods in greeting, ignoring his heart thump at the sight of Yonaga.

"You look the same!", Yonaga continues. "I wanted to tell you that the termostat of the building is not functioning right now; did you have a good night's sleep without cool air underneath your skin?"

Kiyo blinks. The way she asked that question. She must still be mad at him for killing her. Of course, the whole thing was fictional; yet it felt so _real_ at the same time. The way she averts her gaze whenever looks at him. He may not be sure, but he knows that Yonaga's having a grudge on him. And maybe Chabashira. Maybe even _himself._

"I never asked for this", Kiyo mutters under his breath.

Yonaga hums. "What did you not ask for?"

"This." He gestures to himself. "I never asked to be a sadistic, sick, incestous maniac who kills for his sister."

Yonaga laughs. "I didn't ask to be a cult leader, and do you see _me_ complaining?"

Kiyo was taken aback by her tone. She was still smiling, but it was an undreadable smile. It had mixed signs. Her eyes hid some kind of malicious intent, and her tone was quite condescending, even if she looked like a child and is ten inches shorter than Kiyo himself, she can be unsettling. Kiyo had found her to be when he recalls who she was in the killing game. She is one of those happy-go-lucky people, and would comfort others in need. Right now, she just looks like she has a grudge on Kiyo, on something he _never_ did in real life, but did think that if he was in her shoes he would treat his killer in some fictional world like garbage. And maybe, he deserves that. After the crap he and his group of friends pull on Yonaga and her friends, she had _every_ right to resent him.

He exhales sharply. God, he had forgotten the crap he pulled at them.

"So, how's your sleep?", Yonaga asks.

Kiyo looks at her. She was very keen on changing the subject. "It was pleasant, but not okay."

"What? You didn't get nightmares or anything like that?", she asks.

Yep. She must be mad.

Kiyo scoffs. "Strangely, no; I take it that you had horrifying nightmares?"

Yonaga's smile slightly falters, and her eyes cast some kind of glint. She takes a step forward. He didn't know why, but he found this move to be intimidating.

" _Lucky you,_ I guess." She snarls. Kiyo had never heard her snarl before. Until now. "That was quite an insensitive topic you-"

"Yes, I know what I said was insensitive, but you are missing the point-"

"You think you're lucky, that you never get to see your own death flash before-"

"I have not _dreamt_ my death; rather, I had thought about it using countless of metaphors-"

"Don't you metaphor me, _Shinguji_ -"

"I may not have an excuse on why I do not dream, but why do you treat it as if-"

"Why do _I_ treat as if everyone had nightmares?" She finishes for him. "Because everyone hear had dreammt of how they died, and how they got executed! Don't think I haven't been having nightmares about you knocking me out!"

Kiyo blinks. Yonaga's smile has faded, and she was frowning. He had never seen her in such a state like this. They stand near Kiyo's room for a while until Yonaga sighs and walks off. She didn't even say goodbye. Well, why would she? He had killed him in the show, even if it was fictional, and their first conversation after Kiyo murdered her had been a bad one. Of course it was. Kiyo sighs, and locks himself in his room. He didn't come out for breakfast nor lunch, not because he wasn't hungry, but because he didn't want to see everyone's faces.

* * *

Kiyo holds the journal. It was _his_ journal, ever since he was in seventh grade. It was worn, of course it was worn, but when he flips the pages, he can remember the memories written in these old pages. His handwriting was legible and easy to read, albeit being a cursive writer.

_Danganronpa has become some sort of craze in the school. Why did it become a craze? It's just sixteen teenagers trying to get out of school so they resort to murder. The idea that this would become a reality tv show is absurd and atrocious._

And he ended up participating in it anyway.

He flips the pages to one that was dated two years ago.

_Seems as if Danganronpa became Top 1 in Favorite TV Show in the whole world. I'm not complaining, but does anyone know the words 'Have a sense of humanity?' They do not show it in this show. And I'm not complaining. I have lost my faith in humanity all those years ago: fuck, I don't even know if I have a general sense of humanity in me after Miu got me hooked to one of its seasons. I have mixed feelings about everything happening around me._

_And then, Keiko told me if I was okay with her participating in our favorite show. Of course NOT. If I were in her shoes, I would ask myself, 'Is participating in a show meant to kill teenagers a good thing?' It ISN'T. How would I ever live without my sister? How would I live knowing that she'll never be the same after Danganronpa? She's MY sister, and she deserved better._

_When Keiko left, I became distraught. I can't write that legibly after her departure. It's as if my whole life with Keiko flashed before my eyes, as if knowing that our relationship was as good as dead. I was left there to wallow in my depression. I had almost forgotten to eat or sleep if it weren't for Miu coming home from her house and giving me scraps of food. We both can't cook, which is quite unfortunate. I slowly became a former shell of myself, and I have seen my self grow paler or skinnier ever since Keiko left. I did not gather the strength to go to school or take care of myself. I still wonder why I let her go._

And Past Kiyo was right; he used to write so heavily that it left taints on the next pages, but the way he wrote this entry was lighter. It was also the first entry ever since Keiko's participation in Danganronpa. He reread his own words. He shudders, remembering that everything he wrote about Keiko will forever be stained by the unholy thing he did in Danganronpa. Will Keiko still accept him as a brother?

_We had a family reunion this December. My family was quite... welcoming to Keiko, but became apprehensive when they saw me. I swore I heard them say something like, 'She's here again.' I almost snapped and told my relatives that I am a HE, not a SHE, and I told them so MANY TIMES. Later that night, I was crying so hard. Then Keiko comes over to my room and gives me my gift early: a binder. I was really happy, but I didn't know how to where a binder. I just decided to keep it. I wore it the next day._

Kiyo notices that he was crying. He can feel his breathing hitch as he remembers he was not wearing his binder. Where _was_ it?

"Mr. Shinguji?", a voice asks through the door. He perks up. He was grateful that the staff in Team Danganronpa used his _preferred_ pronouns.

He opens the door and asks, "What is it?"

The employee was holding... a binder. _His_ binder. Without letting the employee say anything, he takes the binder, closes the door, and rushes to his bathroom. He hopes that he can remember the steps on how to wear one. After minutes of struggling, he emerges from the bathroom. What he didn't expect was Amami sitting on his bed, reading his journal with an amused look on his face.

"What-What are you doing in my room?", Kiyo splutters. Amami looks up with a smile.

"You're trans?", he asks, ignoring Kiyo's question.

"Y-yes."

"You hypocrite."

"Excuse me?"

Amami closes Kiyo's journal and makes his way towards him with a glare. He was a few inches shorter than Kiyo, but his stance intimidates the taller.

"I _can't_ believe you would turn you back from your own community!", Amami exclaims, his arms flailing.

"Oh, I'm _sorry that I can't come out to my friends with the consequence of being shunned forever_ ", Kiyo spits, his words laced with bitterness.

"Those aren't even your _real_ friends", Amami retorts. "You just hang out with them to avoid scrutiny."

Kiyo is silent. He just lets Amami say what he wants, because it is _true,_ he hangs out with those kind of people so he wouldn't become a victim himself. He's a terrible person. A liar. An asshole. Likes making people's lives worse just by being there. Kiyo carefully nods, crossing his arms.

"Yes, I hang out with them to avoid scrutiny. Problem?"

Amami's relaxed face contorts into anger. "You're the reason why Kokichi is in Danganronpa!"

"I am. So?"

"So? It's all _Momota's_ fault we're here, we're broken, we're so fucking ill, amd everything in between."

"Momota has feelings for Saihara." That sentence had just came out of nowhere. The first person Momota has confessed about his ever growing feelings for Saihara was Kiyo.

__

_"Fuck", Momota exclaimed as he took another swig of beer. Kiyo raised a brow, but goes back to reading._

_"I'm in love with Saihara", Momota declared out loud._

_Kiyo looked at him with surprise in his eyes. Didn't Momota taunt Saihara? Drive him to depression? Made his friend participate in Danganronpa? Well, it was quite obvious, because after Momota's grandfather's death, he'd never been the same. It's as if he regrets doing all the things he did in his life. Karma has to come swinging back to him, of course. Like right now, when Momota's life is going down in shambles because his parents refuse to give him and his grandmother money. Kiyo had also seen Saihara going into Momota's house. He had seen them making dinner together, talking to each other with smiles on their faces, and playing Danganronpa because it's the only hobby they had._

_"In love with the guy you used to taunt?", Kiyo asked._

_Momota nodded. "It's proposterous, I know. Next you're gonna tell me you're trans, right?"_

_Kiyo raised a brow. "And I am." He says in a monotone voice. Momota looked at him with drunk eyes._

_"Oh, holy shit I didn't know", he slurred, then slammed his hand back to the kitchen countertop. "Fuck. Sorry for calling a trans guy in our school a tranny."_

_"Why are you apologizing?"_

_"'Cause I'm an asshole."_

_"Glad we can agree there."_

Amami scoffs. "Momota having _feelings_ for Saihara? Give me a break. That asshole could do nothing but taunt him."

"But he's different now. In the simulation, after Akamatsu's death"- he spits Akamatsu's name as if bile- "he and Saihara were inseparable. Even after Harukawa joined them for training. Hell, Momota even referred to Saihara as his sidekick in some moments."

Amami rolls his eyes. "But those are the simulation's doing to the old Momota. The old one will resurface after he emerges from the simulation."

"Did your old self reemerge?", Kiyo asks.

He had been watching Amami ever since they started their conversation. Amami was more relaxed, calmer, smooth, and basically quite polite and easy to get along with. That wasn't who he was before he was accepted into Danganronpa 52. He was quiet, easy to manipulate, fearful, and a loner on some parts. It seems as if Danganronpa took a toll on him. He notices eye bags beneath his eyes. How did Amami manage to sleep after completing a season of Danganronpa 52 and getting killed first in Danganronpa 53? It may not be obvious, but Amami is clearly _broken._

"No", Amami says without hesitation. "Not really."

"Well, there's your answer", Kiyo replies. "Now, can you get out of my room?"

Amami looks at him with a smile plastered across his face, and walks to the door and opens it. He looks at Kiyo again before closing the door.

* * *

His stomach growls due to not eating yesterday. He deicdes to stop being a wuss and just confront everyone at the breakfast table. He sighs, then looks at his hands. They were still wrapped in bandages, and his hair was still long and greasy. And he was also wearing mask. Memories of Keiko flashes before Kiyo's eyes. Still remembering his incestous act in the trial, he tries to shrug off those tainted memories of them together when they were in childhood and in their teenage years. Kiyo bites his lips, still feeling his already digested food rise as he remembers what he said in the conclusion of the trial, and his overly disturbing execution. He furrows his brows, and clenches his hands to fists. Without even thinking, he punches the wall behind him, causing a crack on the wall. He looks at his bandaged hand. It was bleeding, but he ignores it. Well, until the pounding pain was enough for him to tolerate. He goes to the bathroom and rummages through the cabinet behind the mirror. He sees the first aid kit and opens it. Kiyo spots the bandage wrap and unwraps the old bandage around his hand. His hand was swelling, and he can see his knuckles bleeding. He sighs, and washes it before drying his hand and putting a new wrap of bandages.

He looks at the mirror. Kiyo was still the same, albeit skinnier and his hair greasier and longer. His golden eyes were filled with emptiness, and there were bags under his eyes. He eyes the scissors and takes it. He looks at his greasy hair. Without hesitation, threads of black hair litters the ground as he cuts his hair roughly. After a few minutes of cutting his hair, he looks back at the mirror.

_You finally managed to cut your gruesome hair,_ a voice inside him says. His hair was chopped up, but it's short enough for everyone to assume of him as a boy. _No one's ever going to assume you're a girl again. Not ever._ He puts the scissors back in the first aid kit, and puts the kit back into its place behind the cabinet. He closes the bathroom door and prances around the room. He didn't feel his hair sweep behind his back, nor did he see his thick hair dancing and swinging with him. He _must_ be happy. He opens the door and basically bumps into someone else. Kiyo mutters and apology as he stands up straight.

"What did you do to your hair?", he glances down to see Chabashira looking at him, her face scrunched in disgust. Of course. After all, he _had_ killed her.

"Using the limited knowledge I have of hairstyles, I cut my hair", Kiyo answers.

"Using the limited knowledge of critiquing people, it's ugly", Chabashira teases, hesitantly touching Kiyo. Kiyo raises a brow.

This is... unexpected. He sure thought that she would punch him to no-man's land, but instead, he joked with him like they're the best of friends. Well, _were._ If that's what Kiyo thinks of it.

"Um, what are you doing?", Kiyo asks. Chabashira narrows her eyes but shrugs.

"You know, Amami told everyone at dinner that you were trans", she says. Kiyo flinches, but nods in affirmation. "I may not get why you prefer being a boy, but..."

She holds on Kiyo's hands. The other blinks in confusion at this movement. "Why didn't you tell me? Iruma? Tojo?"

Kiyo inwardly sighs. "They... might abandon me. Just let me become a victim in the ruthless world we live in. I also heard you call Yonaga a f-"

"I know what I said", Chabashira cuts in sharply. She fidgets with her fingers, looking at Kiyo in the eye. "And I was a hypocrite. You know, I came out to my dad before I got interviewed by Danganronpa, and he _accepted_ me."

"Lucky you." Kiyo looks down.

Chabashira sighs. "Lucky me, I guess. But, you know, Tojo is in love with Akamatsu, and Iruma lost her virginity to a girl."

Kiyo perks up. "When did Iruma lose her virginity?"

"A year ago."

"And she didn't tell me?"

"Nope."

Kiyo sighs. Of course she won't talk about her sex life. Most of her life is confidential and mostly a secret, even to a best friend. If he even considered himself her best friend.

"Why are you being nice to me?", Kiyo asks.

Chabashira tilts her head. "Why ask?"

Kiyo stretches his arms. "Because... well... everyone hates me. And maybe I do, too."

Chabashira gives him a sad look. "Yeah, that's why."

"What?"

Chabashira sighs. "Yeah, I'm still angry at you for killing me... but, uh, you look a little lonely."

Kiyo scoffs. "You didn't care for me when we used to be _friends._ "

Chabashira scratches her head. "It's really nice hearing that you can still speak without thinking." He mentally slaps himself. This isn't the first time he had acted so impulsive in front of her.

Kiyo chuckles a bit. "Whatever you say."

They talk in their way to the dining hall. It was nice, that someone looked past his endeavor in the show. It was nice, that someone who used to taunt people would be so nice to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this in my phone and it's ten in the evening and i'm tired because i suck


	8. the former ultimate inventor reanalyzes her decisions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iruma wakes up from the simulation, unsurprisingly, with many things on her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some references to rape, i tried to be as vague of it as possible.

Iruma considers herself as the most gifted girl of the century. She was the hottest, brainiest mind, and she believes she didn't need to rise up more. She's got everything she wanted. She was accepted into in Hope's Peak Academy. Then frustratingly enough, she was in a killing game orchestrated by a weird black-and-white bear. His motives made others kill another friend.

And she fears she's the next.

Iruma had worked day and night on this invention, to transport everyone's minds to the virtual world. She wants them to know that she is the greatest and best mind they have ever seen from a girl. But she also wants to take advantage of this virtual world. It's not like she was in a virtual world herself, right? Many frustrating hours would be wasted if this world didn't work. And her self-esteem is lowering, her pride hurting due to what Ouma made her do in front of the others. The bow was still lingering in her memories, and she pushes it away as she considers something.

_Ouma's an easy target._

He may be the most diabolical, intrusive, lying, short gremlin Iruma has ever faced. And she'll wipe him out of the game once she's done customizing his avatar. She needs to kill him, to avert suspicion of killing him from her, and getting them executed. It was a loss, Iruma sighs, exhausted at the thought, but she _needs_ to escape. Like what the others did, but they all failed due to the incessant questions and evidence against them.

Iruma hopes she could get through the trial without Saihara finding out.

But who Iruma fears the most is Ouma. That deceiving little asshole had scared them to death, threatening to kill them all with that stupid little grin on his face. Then, gratefully enough, Momota punches the boy.

She has to make sure her plan is perfect. Iruma will talk to Ouma about the vritual world's progress, and listen to his commissions and suggestions of other inventions. It was a good plan to start off with.

 

"My inventions will change the world... They'll make the world a better place! It's my duty as a genius inventor! S-So I can't afford to die here—"

She feels asomething tight press against her throat, and she starts to struggle with breathing. Iruma looks at Ouma's sneering face. Iruma can feel anger, betrayal surge inside her, but all she's focused on doing was trying to get the goddamned thing that was strangling her out of her own neck. Then Iruma hears a voice.

"Gonta... so sorry."

Iruma can feel herself lose conciousness as her strength weakens from that soft, remorseful voice.

And she dies.

* * *

_Iruma remembered what it felt like being in a hospital bed, being confined in it and wrapped in casts, with the doctors swarming over her as if they were insects and she was the lunch._

_She had almost died from that car crash. Her parents didn't survive, but her younger sister did, fortunately. They were close, they did everything together. It would be a shame that the car crash would've killed her sister. Yet Sae Iruma was in critical condition. She had not waken up from her coma yet doctors must've guessed that she has brain damage._

_She was going to die soon._

_Iruma can feel it, her sister's life slipping from her fingers. Sae's Danganronpa poster burns in Iruma's pockets, which were full of casts as well._

* * *

Miu opens her eyes, to find herself lying on something soft. A bed. Her breath hitches, remembering her times in the hospital bed, where she can't move even if she wanted to. Her throat was very sore, and she remembers what had happened to her in the simulation. Gokuhara, out of all people, had strangled her?

They were never quite friends in real life as well, just acquaintances and part of Momota's group. She knows that Gokuhara was the smartest in their school, a scholar and a tutor. She faintly remembers that Gokuhara had helped her with her Math exam. He let her copy his papers, because of Momota's orders. Yet she also knows that the man was a drug addict; she sometimes spots him in secluded spots of the school or his house inhaling marijuana or some of drug.

Gokuhara was harsh, strong, and he never fails to show it. One time, she had seen him swinging Ouma from side to side. Yet in the game, he only shows his strength when the others needed his help. He had acted so nice and so chivalrous, not showing any sign of hatred or cruelty. Gokuhara helps, and never asks for anything in return.

Which made Miu question to why he had killed her. The way he had apologized while strangling her, pinpoints that it wasn't _his_ decision to kill him. Miu rises from her bed, realizing she was in the covers. She hugs herself, bringing her knees closer to her chest. There was a time where she always wore long-sleeved clothes and never showed her womanly assets to anyone. Her Danganronpa self was so self-loving, yet submissive at the same time. The way she walked around half-naked back at Hoshi's murder, or the way she talked back to Saihara about letting her wear make-up before fucking her.

It was an insult to who she was, who she really used to be. The way she dressed, it was as if she was like Sae. Sae had always wore such revealing clothing, showing off everything she wants to show off, not thinking of consequences especially when she walks in dark secluded areas late at night. Miu was alright with her fashion sense, she just does not like the sense of pride her sister has.

It was as if Team Danganronpa knew who Sae was and wanted to make an echo of appearance on Miu. Even if she had not seen Sae for days, she knows that she'd be ecstatic on seeing her own sister behave and act like her in the show. Miu emptily gets on her legs, shaking a bit due to not standing up for a long time, and makes her way to the bathroom. She opens the lights, and the first thing she sees is her reflection on the mirror.

And god she looked like _shit._ She was so skinny, that she can see her bones protruding out of her skin, her eyes were sunken in, and underneath them were dark shadows that must have formed during the simulation, and her hair was so long yet so dry. She breathes and makes a decision.

She was going to have a shower.

After taking a shower, she dries her hair with the only towel in the bathroom, deciding that she also had to use it again to cover her body. After drying her hair and then her body, she goes back to the room in where she had slept to find the pile of clothes she had removed from herself, sitting on top of the bed. Miu quickly gets dressed, prompting that she looks quite fine and clean.

Nervously, Miu opens the door to see no one in the corridors. She seems to be placed near the Waiting Area, as she can see the see-through windows that lets her see the night and buildings. She steps out, purposefully letting her heels clack on the cold marble floors. She looks at the clock in the end of the hallway. It was approaching eight o'clock in the evening, and she was starving herself. She wanted to have that glorious body she had before getting in Danganronpa.

Then Miu hears _his_ voice.

She stops for a moment, listening if she had just really heard his voice. After all, it could be the winds, or maybe her hallucinations. Miu is never particularly light on her feet, especially when she always wears her beloved ebony black high heels. A gift from her sister, in her birthday. She carefully slides her way down the corridors, then she sees him.

Shinguji was skinny, his hair was short and choppy as he had done the haircut himself, his bandages were removed and he wasn't wearing any mask. Miu wanted to say hi, but she stops herself, only staring at Shinguji talking to Yonaga. They seem to be in a heated discussion, as Shinguji's eyes were full of distress while Yonaga was sneering and looks to be taunting at him. For what, though?

She walks steps closer to them, but they were whispering, and it was out of ear-shot. She groans silently, but still makes no move to greet Shinguji and tell him she loves him. Probably in a different time, when Miu's still reeling from the show and Shinguji looking like he wanted nothing to do now. But then, the conversation ends, and Yonaga leaves Shinguji, skipping away. Suddenly, as if by magic, Shinguji sees Miu and locks eyes with her. Miu stares back at him, face blank but eyes filled with questioning and longing.

Shinguji comes closer, his footsteps void of sound, and the way Miu sees it, he moves around like a ghost sweeping in the distance. A cold hand touches Miu's shoulder, making her stiffen and shiver a bit. But she still looks up at Shinguji with a knowing look in her eyes. But before the other opens his mouth, Miu utters out what she wanted to say in a long time.

"I still love you."

It was weak, merely a whisper, barely audible to the ears, but Shinguji must've heard it. Miu lowers her head, looking at the floors. She feels Shinguji touch her hand, one filled with scars from the car accident. There were so many litters of scars in her body, and sadness crawls up to her throat. The incident was still on the back of her mind, wanting to give her a bad time, making her look at memories she didn't want to look at.

Shinguji was holding her hand, not too tight, but enough to let him hold a part of herself for a bit, before letting it go slack to her side. Shinguji looks at her with a solemn look in his eyes. Maybe he had feelings for her too, which was impossible, to her standards. The blonde then feels a kiss on the forepalm of her hand, and she looks at Shinguji with hope plastered all over her eyes.

The male was crying. He uses Miu's hand to wipe his tears away, but Miu did not mind at all, wanting to comfort Shinguji through everything they had encountered in that game.

* * *

Miu was now questioning on how the fuck she ended up in Shinguji's bed, massaging the young man's back. She still identifies the gray haired person's gender as a male, even though she used to be a girl. The whole world is still homophobic, but she wants to understand why people would try to force their beliefs on other people. Miu had done it with other women before; and it was so satisfying and so enjoyable that she loves to do it all day. And she's pretty sure men find lesbian sex hot, which made Miu sick to her stomach.

Shinguji was bare, so he was clutching his blanket tightly across his chest, nervously looking at the door then at Miu. The air was so tense you could cut it with a knife, and the silence was so unbearing that Miu wanted to just let out a blood curdling scream to vent out her frustrations over her fate in the show.

As if for an eternity, Shinguji finally speaks. "Who killed you?"

Miu's hands slows, but she continues, wanting Shinguji to relax. "Uh, Gonta Gokuhara."

Shinguji breathes heavily, but exhales. "But isn't he... nice in the game?"

Miu shrugs. "I guess. He was probably manipulated by someone."

"Well, he is quite gullible in the show, so there was no blaming him."

"Plus, he said sorry to me before I died."

"Who could've killed you?"

Miu shrugs. Then she remembers Ouma smiling at her, that sinister, devilish smile she had grown to fear and hate. Maybe it was him. Maybe he was the one who pushed Gokuhara to the edge and killing her.

"Ouma, perhaps?", she says.

Shinguji half-heartedly scoffs. "You only live long enough to see yourself become the villain."

Miu looks down, and plops herself to Shinguji, who was still covering himself with the blankets. Miu kisses him gently in the cheek.

"But maybe I deserve it."

Golden eyes look at her light blue ones. "Why would you say such a depreciative thing?"

"I betrayed him once, you know."

* * *

_There was a time when Miu and Ouma were friends. It was just when they were still thirteen year-olds, wallowing in the sun and thinking like they were grown-ups. Miu stares at Ouma's raven black hair, fingers going through it, feeling how soft and silky it was. They were watching their favorite show, Danganronpa. It had so many seasons and they are now watching the current season._

_Whenever Miu would bring the topic of Danganronpa in every show, Ouma would squirm and look away, or look uncomfortable as Miu rambles on and on._

_Then as Ouma walked away, excusing himself to go to the bathroom, he came back with a glass of water, telling her that he also went to the kitchen._

_"Do you like Danganronpa?", Miu asks. Ouma freeezes and fidgets with his fingers, biting his lower lip slightly._

_"No, actually", Ouma whispers silently. "In fact, I hate it."_

_Miu scoffs. "Okay then."_

_The next morning she tells this to everyone at their school, and many glare at Ouma and whisper to each other to why the boy hated the show. It was the beacon in their bleak life, the savior of their depression. Somehow, Miu agrees with them, and stops eating with Ouma._

* * *

Dinner was quite unsettling, especially when they were with people from Team Danganronpa, or maybe even with themselves. Miu sits quietly beside Shinguji, who had an empty seat next to him. He was poking and prodding his food, his hands weakly holding his utensils. Miu was eating in a slow pace at first, wanting to stop seeing her bones and her being so skinny.

The others were melancholic, also. Amami seems to be overjoyed by something, because even if he was not eating the heavy meal, he was still eating. Hoshi was not hungry, and was staring at his meal intently, waiting for something to make a move. Toujo was smoking, in the inside, while drinking, Yonaga was not eating but looking at everyone with a smile, her smile so unsettling it sends shivers up Miu's spine. Chabashira was nowhere to be found.

No one really talked to Miu nor acknowledged that she was at the same room as them, so dinner was also quiet, except for the quiet chatter in the room. When she stands up to go back to her room, she feels something warm on her wrist. She turns around to see Amami looking at her, waiting. Everyone pays no mind.

"Ouma got Gokuhara to kill me", Miu says. Amami nods.

"I suspected that."

Amami lets go of Miu's hand and she walks to the corridor she supposes her room was in. But instead, she sees the figure of one of the Team Danganronpa staff standing near her room, with a girl talking beside her. Miu blinks.

"Sae?"

* * *

_Miu knocks on Sae's bedroom's door softly. She didn't want to startle the already traumatized girl with her own knocks for her to get her to eat. The door opens, but not much to actually let Miu in. She sees Sae's scared, broken face and dilated eyes. Miu breathes and lifts up the plate full of food._

_"I brought you food", Miu says. "Are you hungry?"_

_Sae rapidly shakes her head. Poor thing. "N-no. I'm a-alright."_

_"Are you sure? You've been there for a week and the last time you ate or drink was three days ago."_

_"J-just give me something to drink, okay Miu? Y-you can respect that, right?"_

_"Sure." Miu lifts up the glass full of water and gives it to her sister, who takes it with trembling hands and immediately closes the door. Miu sighs and walks away to go to room._

* * *

"I'm apalled that they would let you act like me", Sae says, not meeting Miu's glance. "It's pretty insulting."

Miu nods. "I know. But, why did you come here? I thought you were with your friends when I'm away? Didn't I tell them to keep close watch on you?"

"Yeah. But.. did you tell Shinguji how you really feel?"

Miu scratches her head, feeling the sudden change of topic forced. "I guess...?"

Sae nods. "Okay. Because I want you back with me."

Miu stares. "What?"

"It's been months Miu, but I can't cope without you by my side." She holds Miu's hand. Sae looks at the other with pleading eyes. "Please?"

Miu averts her gaze. "I... need therapy, though."

Sae scoffs. "You don't need it as much as I do. I need support. Everything. Please."

Miu looks towards the corridor, and sees Shinguji looking at her, with longing. But he nods, approves of her parting ways with him. Miu blinks, and looks back at Sae, nodding silently. She'll meet him again, when she comes back here. When she needs psychological help.

_The back of her throat was burning._

_Gokuhara's cries ring out, about him being sorry._

_And Ouma's face was twisted in that smile of his._

But right now, she has to help Sae on the road to her recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, sorry about not updating this fic for months! at least it's faring well unlike my other fanfics that i may or may not have discontinue whoops!  
> anyway, after this chapter is an interlude, so you guys bet i'll be in hiatus until Gonta's chapter comes out UWU

**Author's Note:**

> one chapter each character


End file.
